"I’m too scared to look after Leo": Louise Thompson gets honest about recovering from traumatic birth
The Made In Chelsea star has PTSD, anxiety, depression, and avoidance.
Louise Thompson has opened up about her birth recovery in an honest post. The mum's eye-opening words show just how much she's been struggling since the birth of her son Leo.
Louise previously revealed that she nearly died during the birth and has been recovering ever since.
The mum is now suffering from multiple mental illnesses including PTSD and severe anxiety.
She explained that she hasn't been comfortable with discussing her recovery, but wanted to give people a better understanding of what has been going on in her life.
She said she would describe the last few months as "scared, totally out of control and paralysed".
Louise explained, "My brain keeps deleting memories in order to try and protect itself and it’s so scary. Trauma and fear have no understanding of time."
She said "extremely scary circumstances" get trapped in your brain and don't get processed like other memories.
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"To be honest I’ve been too scared to post about how I’m feeling because I’m not even close to feeling like a normal person yet.
"Hopefully I’m at the beginning of my actual recovery."
Louise believes her recovery is starting because she is now able to think about her future.
The former reality star detailed the numerous issues she now has to deal with since giving birth. Louise revealed all the ways "mental health has gripped" her.
She shared that she is afraid of her bathtub and fridge. She is so disconnected from reality that "it is very scary".
The mum said she had to wear the same clothes for a month and couldn't wear makeup.
The mum revealed, "I haven't been able to look after Leo because I'm scared he'll trigger anxiety."
"I’m too scared to look after little Leo because I’m worried he will remind me of what happened to my body."
Not only that but the mum has also struggled to leave the house, has such bad brain fog she can't function and is also worried she won't be able to do basic tasks.
"I’ve felt terror and confusion in my head that is so paralysing yet painful I want to smack my head into a wall."
"Sometimes I honestly feel like someone has poured actual poison into my head.
"I analyse every single thought that pops into my head from the moment I wake up until the moment I get to go to sleep and they’re all horrendously intrusive."
She said sleep offers her an escape from the pain and trauma, but she is now having nightmares.
"My body and my mind are trapped in fight or flight and they think that everything is a threat and that I’m dying all the time."
The mum said she is scared of her own existence, her past, her present, and her future too.
Louise continued to share more about her debilitating struggles and we can't even begin to imagine what she is dealing with.
She said, "We now require a lot of help because often I’m too scared to look after little Leo because I’m worried he will remind me of what happened to my body."
She never expected to reach this "level of rock bottom".
"I never understood suffering or suicide before," she added.
The mum said she is feeling a small glimmer of hope. She said she has a great support network, medication, and processes to help her.
"What I want to remind anyone that is suffering is to KEEP BLOODY GOING. It can and will get better. Crisis teams and medication can help. Don't be too proud to ask for HELP."