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Parenting

22nd Oct 2015

10 reasons why toddlers are like living with tiny, belligerent, drunk people

Sophie White

Living with a toddler is beyond craic, the toddler stage is, at times, how I imagine living with Bill Murray might be: Non-stop hilarity with occasional emotional outbursts.

It is also pretty reminiscent of chaperoning a tiny but adorable little drunk person around and attempting to keep them from a) destroying everything in the vicinity; b) harming themselves or others and c) keeping them away from the liquor cabinet.

10 reasons why living with a toddler is like living with a tiny belligerent drunk person

1. The SHOUTING

They just love shouting it’s adorable until it hits that obnoxious pitch.

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2. Making virtually NO sense

Ah the incoherent babbling. Sometimes I actually wonder if english is not his first language. THAT or perhaps he is possessed by evil spirits and is actually speaking in tongues.

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3. Falling down

A. LOT.

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4. Bashing into things

A.LOT.

Never be a toddler and drive…

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5. SOOOOOO goddamn belligerent 

Toddlers, much like drunk people, won’t take discipline of ANY description.

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6. RELENTLESS energy

Between maniacal laughing, constant dancing toddlers seem to have boundless reserves of partying in them.

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7. Up ALL night

Toddlers can revel like a seasoned party animal but eventually all that shouting and falling over will get to them and they’re liable to take a nap like NOW (often in the most random of places…)

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8. Fridge raiding

Ah that drunk 3 am hunger lasts all day for a toddler.

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9. They can be a shade emotional

Know that person who always over does the gin and then cries at the bottom of the stairs because no one admired her shoes? It’s me okay, I admit it. Anyway toddlers like drunk people are on a permanent emotional roller coaster. There’s just a whole lotta feels.

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10. NEVER wants to go home

“I’m fine, I’m fine… I don’t wanna go home.” The petulant refrain of toddlers and drunks everywhere.

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