OK so the idea of getting down and dirty again with leaky boobs and stitched up bits might leave you feeling more horrified than horny, but let’s talk about sex baby.
Actually, let’s talk about sex post-baby…
1. First up: have a chat with your partner about how you are feeling. It is really important that you are able to be open and honest with each other about how things have changed. Physical and emotional differences post-childbirth play a huge part in how you feel about yourself (and your partner) sexually. For some couples, everything returns to the way it was pretty quickly, for others it can take more time. If you don’t feel ready to reintroduce sex back into your relationship, discuss it with your partner rather than letting it become the elephant in the bedroom.
2. Remember that Sex & The City episode where Trey is hot for Charlotte but still can’t perform, and Samantha announces that it’s a classical ‘Madonna-whore complex’? Well, that’s an actual thing and not just a Samantha-ism. Men can find it difficult to readjust after baby arrives, particularly if they are a first-time dad. Some guys struggle to see their partners in a sexual way post-baby, seeing a mother-figure rather than a lover. Jealousy isn’t exclusive to siblings either – a lot of men admit to feeling ‘left out’ when baby gets all the attention.
3. Many couples fall into a sexless relationship (usually defined by sex therapists as having sex ten times a year or less) after they have a baby simply because they stop communicating and start resenting each other. Mum is exhausted, Dad is exhausted, and both feel unappreciated – it’s a recipe for relationship stress. The secret is to keep on talking to each other, even if it’s just to readjust each other’s expectations!
4. Although even fitting in a shower starts to feel like a major achievement after having a baby, it can be really beneficial to schedule ‘sex dates’ with your other half to help put sex back on the menu. Having an advance plan also makes couples more likely to make an effort with each other instead of letting things slide.
5. Let’s face it; nobody expects new mums (or dads for that matter) to be swinging from the proverbial chandelier. By communicating, setting out your mutual ‘sexpectations’ and sticking to a sexy schedule, duvet time should become a lot less like hard work. Excuse the pun.
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