I go away for work occasionally. In the past, this was one of the fun side-perks of my job. After I had a baby, it was a little more complicated.
The first trip post-baby was to New York for a fashion show when he was 8 months old. Thrilled I began packing, googling and some light grooming. Then panic/terror/weeping/googling “infant abandonment issues” set in and every time I thought about the impending trip I felt a bit sick. Suffice it to say I got ZERO sympathy. “You don’t have to go,” The Man huffed. My friend with two under five said “A five-day trip to New York? I’d be happy with the flights alone!”
The night before I left I went into The Child’s room and stared at him for 25 minutes straight, I obsessively smelled him trying to drink in his distinctive little aura of babyness. The Man had to come in and get me out of there.
10 Things that happened the first time I went away without The Child:
1. I really really missed him
I lay in bed in my hotel room and had vivid daydreams (they were borderline hallucinations) of cuddling his neck and stroking his head. I looked at pictures of him on my phone obsessively two hundred times a day and showed them to new work acquaintances and passing strangers.
2. I really really missed him, but not as much as I was afraid I would
I loved New York; I loved having a bed to myself. I marvelled at browsing in shops without a baby in tow. I seriously loved the cocktails and getting dressed up without a thought of practicality or potential garment ruination through baby spew.
3. I stalked family’s with babies and made up flimsy excuses to engage them in conversation
“I see you have a baby there,” I’d say trying to keep it light and casual. “What’s his name, age, current weight, weight when born, favourite toy, favourite food, poo consistency? Can I touch him, smell his head, bite his roly-poly legs, kiss his neck? Please, please, PLEASE.”
4. I had the strong urge to smell the heads of Stranger Babies
If you maintain a distance of approximately 28 inches behind an unhatted baby, with favourable wind conditions it is possible to smell their head. I should not know this.
5. I realised that pumping your boobs is not an activity that lends itself to socialising
There are not that many people who will tolerate chatting to a person who is lactating into an artificial milking device.
6. Undisturbed sleep is so delicious you can nearly taste it
SOAK. IT. UP. The feeling of sleep without a child on your face is precious. Remember that as happy as you will be when you get home there will be a time when you are dreaming of that empty hotel room.
7. I found one of his baby socks and obsessively petted it and rubbed it on my face. No Joke.
I had been rummaging in my bag fixing my makeup in the bathroom of a work function when I found The Adorable Teeny Tiny Baby Sock. I went rushing back to the table to the newly acquired work acquaintances (who by this stage had already witnessed the Stranger Baby Head Smelling Operation) and thrust the sock at them exclaiming “Look what I just found in the toilet!!!” and proceeded to pet and stroke the Adorable Teeny Tiny Baby Sock. They did not want to touch the Adorable Teeny Tiny Baby Sock, which, I realised, they had no context for.
8. Private toilet time was fun at first and then it got kind of lonely
It’s just not the same without a small person cheering you on (and handing you toilet paper) is it?
9. Upon touching down in Dublin Airport I ran like a demented lunatic through Arrivals sprung for luxury of luxuries a TAXI (!), demanded that we took the Port Tunnel, said “keep the change”, flung myself through the front door, charged up the stairs where I fell into his room and buried my face into his beautiful little neck.
It was 4 am. The Man came in and said, “Wake him and I’ll kill you.” The Hug Hunger was strong in me at this point.
10. He got on fine without me
This was both brilliant and devastating.
As we’re celebrating HerFamily.ie’s first birthday, we’re are taking a moment to reflect on some firsts of our own. From first positive pregnancy test to first sonogram, first giggles to first steps and first hugs to first words. Tell us about your favourite firsts of parenthood, join the conversation on Facebook and Twitter. #HerFamilyBirthday
