10 Times The Man Didn’t Even Know What The Hell We Were Fighting About

A while back, the CEO of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg revealed her top tip for keeping a working relationship healthy. It was simple enough, she recommends honesty and being open about any issues that arise between you as they come up. She described asking her boss, Mark Zuckerberg to give her weekly feedback so that anything that bothered him would be aired and discussed openly and quickly. Whether dealing with a working relationship or a romantic relationship or, let's face it, if you're parents then a mixture of the two, airing our grievances as and when they arise is a good way to work out any simmering resentment and diffuse spats before they turn into full-blown arguments. Why then do I find this nearly impossible to do? When it comes to rowing with The Man half the time he has no idea that we are even fighting, never mind what we are fighting about. He manages to remain completely oblivious to my petty grievances and irritations. This is largely due to the fact that I communicate in riddles and codes and expect him extract the underlying meaning from my passive aggressive intonation. 10 Times The Man had no idea what we were even fighting about (mainly because he cannot communicate telepathically): 1 "What time are you playing golf tonight?" You should realise that it is totally out of order to be playing golf when I might want to do something. 2 "It's fine." Nope, it is so not fine. 3 "So was the pub fun last night?" I KNOW it was fun because you woke me up when you came in, and then woke the Child up and then fell asleep on the sofa with a plate of sandwiches balanced on your chest before I could shout at you. 4 "How was your day?" How ever your day was, it was better than mine, so I don't want to hear about it because I'm irrationally annoyed with you. 5 "Where did you put the coconut oil?" Stop TAKING the coconut oil and slathering it in your beard. It is for cooking NOT beard grooming. 6 "I'm sorry if you think that I'm being...." Whatever it is, I am so not sorry for it. 7 "I would prefer if you didn't chop the onions on the wooden chopping board." Why is it so hard for you to understand that the onions RUIN the wooden chopping board and render the board useless, USELESS for all other chopping requirements EVER. EVERRRRRR. 8 "Is there any of my dark chocolate left by any chance?" Of course there isn't because living with you is like living with a swarm of locusts that consumes everything in its path. You don't even LIKE dark chocolate do you. Do YOU? 9 Have you fed /changed/bathed the baby? I know you haven't that's why I'm asking. 10 *Silence* I'm not talking to you. How can you not TELL that I am annoyed with you? UGH, do I have to explain everything?