I'm an embarrassment to myself quite a lot of the time. And no more so than when I'm being a narcissistic, totally lacking in self-awareness D4 posho.
There'll I'll be mid-passive aggressive moan at The Man along the lines of "Who finished all the 85% dark chocolate, you know I can't eat a lower percentage chocolate." To which he'll usually say, "Are you listening to yourself right now? Get a real problem." I'm big enough to own up to this. We have a play on the phrase first world problems in our house, we call it D4 problems, they're basically ultimate ULTIMATE first world problems.
10 Times I Was the Most Ridiculously D4 Mum EVER:
1. When I got a pedicure right before going in for the c-section
And was then devo when the nurses made me take it all off again.
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2. When I went to the hospital with a giant novel by A.S. Byatt called The Children's Book
As if I was going in there for a pampering spa treatment.
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3. When I used a (borrowed) Chanel scarf as a modesty sheath when breastfeeding
My mother nearly killed me when she spotted this.
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4, When I decided the baby was lactose intolerant for virtually no reason
And started pouring coconut milk on all his meals. The Man maintains that I was just trying to be fancy with my trendy milk substitute.
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5. When I asked my toddler THIS question:
"Would you like Gruyere or Emmental cheese, darling?"
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6. When I told my mother-in-law that The Child loves his kale smoothie
He kind of does, though the cacoa powder that I lash in there probably has more than a little something to do with it.
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7. When The Toddler thought that dried dates were chocolate
May he NEVER learn the truth. Mwahahahahaha.
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8. When I asked the child THIS question:
"Do you want bee pollen or agave on your quinoa porridge?"
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9. When my worst complaint one day during maternity leave was that...
"Baby yoga was an unmitigated disaster." Someone needs to punch me in the face fast.
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10. When The Child got a hold of my perfume
And went around reeking of No. 5. As one friend remarked: "This little one's got expensive tastes." Ultimate NOTIONS.
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