I’m an embarrassment to myself quite a lot of the time. And no more so than when I’m being a narcissistic, totally lacking in self-awareness D4 posho.
There’ll I’ll be mid-passive aggressive moan at The Man along the lines of “Who finished all the 85% dark chocolate, you know I can’t eat a lower percentage chocolate.” To which he’ll usually say, “Are you listening to yourself right now? Get a real problem.” I’m big enough to own up to this. We have a play on the phrase first world problems in our house, we call it D4 problems, they’re basically ultimate ULTIMATE first world problems.
10 Times I Was the Most Ridiculously D4 Mum EVER:
1. When I got a pedicure right before going in for the c-section
And was then devo when the nurses made me take it all off again.
2. When I went to the hospital with a giant novel by A.S. Byatt called The Children’s Book
As if I was going in there for a pampering spa treatment.
3. When I used a (borrowed) Chanel scarf as a modesty sheath when breastfeeding
My mother nearly killed me when she spotted this.
4, When I decided the baby was lactose intolerant for virtually no reason
And started pouring coconut milk on all his meals. The Man maintains that I was just trying to be fancy with my trendy milk substitute.
5. When I asked my toddler THIS question:
“Would you like Gruyere or Emmental cheese, darling?”
6. When I told my mother-in-law that The Child loves his kale smoothie
He kind of does, though the cacoa powder that I lash in there probably has more than a little something to do with it.
7. When The Toddler thought that dried dates were chocolate
May he NEVER learn the truth. Mwahahahahaha.
8. When I asked the child THIS question:
“Do you want bee pollen or agave on your quinoa porridge?”
9. When my worst complaint one day during maternity leave was that…
“Baby yoga was an unmitigated disaster.” Someone needs to punch me in the face fast.
10. When The Child got a hold of my perfume
And went around reeking of No. 5. As one friend remarked: “This little one’s got expensive tastes.” Ultimate NOTIONS.
