Child psychologist and father of three, David Coleman gives his practical tips to smooth that tricky transition from cosseted only child to big brother or big sister.
"Before the baby arrives, make sure that your child is aware that this baby is coming! If you have hospital visits, it's an idea to bring your child to one of those, particularly a scan – the little picture will help to make them aware that something is about to change. They'll note the physical change hopefully, and that will also be a reason to talk about some of the changes that are coming."
10 Tips For Introducing Your Child To The New Baby From Psychologist David Coleman:
1. Highlight the practical things that will change: "When this baby comes out I'll be carrying this baby a lot." Or "when this baby comes, I'm going to have to be feeding this baby." And also try to let your child know that you did this with them as well, to link it back to them. For example: "When you were born I used to carry you all the time."
2. Remember until it happens your child doesn't know what it means for them but then when it does happen at least you feel, I have explained it, they have an awareness. It will still come as a shock.
3. No harm for the baby to bring a gift for your toddler as a little "Hi, I'm excited to be part of your family! Sorry for wreckin' your buzz!"
4. Remind visitors that you've got an older child, and ask them to greet your older child, not to bring gifts for them necessarily but to please remember to pay attention to your older child.
5. Give your older child the job of being the introducer of the new baby, so visitors don't see the new baby until their older brother brings them to see the new baby. That gives your child a sense that they have some element of control about what's happening. They feel involved in the process and that they don't get forgotten about.
6. For some older children, they can have a fear that they won't be wanted by their parents because everyone seems so taken with this new baby. There can be quite a bit of anxiety there for children which may cause them to regress. They may not want to leave your side; they fear the baby will take over, and we need to appreciate that anxiety. So communicate with your toddler. "I can imagine that you'd be really scared that I won't have time to play with you anymore." Or "I can imagine that you might feel really cross that this baby is taking up so much of my time." That allows your older child to express any negative feeling that they might have towards the baby which is natural. If you prompt it by guessing at their feelings it creates a permission to be able to moan a bit! It's natural for their nose to be severely out of joint, because they've really lost quite a lot, like any loss they're grieving so they will act out and be angry or sad.
7. It's quite possible for them to be all over the baby in one moment and then trying to get rid of the baby the next. That's normal for those to reactions to co-exist, that's just him just not filtering his experience. Small children don't filter; they just show you their emotions – so they will show you that they are happy with the change, and they will show you that they are cross.
8. If you are continuing with creche or play school, make sure they don't feel like they are being gotten rid of! Meet this issue by using reframing: "I knew you'd want to keep having fun in play school" so they don't feel displaced by the baby.
9. Involve them in some of the tasks, holding the Sudo cream or getting the nappy bag – so that they feel useful and a part of the process.
10. Reassure them of what won't change in the routine, e.g., going for play dates, visiting cousins, so that they have that security.
David Coleman is spokesperson for Pharmaton's Back to School Campaign. The Pharmaton Kiddi range helps parents to give the best nutrition to their children and to assist with healthy physical and mental development, by providing essential vitamins and minerals such as Vitamin D and calcium. This is vital to help each day get off to the best start, especially during the busy school season ahead. Visit Pharmaton.ie for more helpful hints and tips. 
