I think The Child is experiencing early onset of adolescence. That or I am experiencing early onset of losing the will to live. Or perhaps it's both.
All I know is that overnight The Child has become more terrifying and unpredictable than a rabid animal, more hormonal than a hungry woman PMSing hard in the face of a chocolate drought and more emotional than me watching Making a Murderer....
One day about two weeks ago I said: "Two's a lovely age, I wish he could be two forever." And presumably, the parenting gods heard me and have been punishing my hubris ever since. Oh, the Terrible Twos have begun with a vengeance.
10 totally random and innocuous things that unleash the Child's hell-fury now that he's two:
1. Getting up
After HE got Me up several times during the night, apparently my gently suggesting that he get out of bed at 8 am was way out of order.
2. Giving him a kiss
This affectionate embrace was met with major fury akin to my having given him the finger.
3. Being given a bath
A bath that, I would like to point out, he had chanted 'bath, bath, bath' for at least 20 minutes for.
4. Being offered milk after he had chanted "Meek, meek, MEEEEEK." for 10 minutes.
He is just so unreasonable. "I'm only doing what you're telling me to do," I shriek channelling some hell-fury of my own as he lashes out at the proffered cup and sends milk everywhere.
5. My putting on my jumper
So random, this has nothing to do with him? Why all the screaming and kicking on the ground?
6. Turning off the engine of the car upon arriving at our destination
His persistent "Brooooom, brooooom!" refrain intensified until eventually I turned the car on again and sat starring out the window for the next fifteen minutes while The Child cooed in the back to the dulcet tones of his beloved Mazda engine.
7. Asking if he would like some biscuits
Rage-inducing apparently.
8. When I had the GALL to try to eat the biscuit that he had refused.
So out of order, I know.
9. Moving the drying rack
He wasn't even in the room there is no way that my moving the drying rack was impinging on his pleasant little existence in ANY way, but in he came to unleash the hell-fury for several minutes in protest at my outrageous attempts to tidy our home.
10. Going to bed
What I wouldn't GIVE to be tucked up in bed every night by a put-upon but always compliant slave-parent. He has no idea how lucky he is.
