13 Updated Definitions for Those Words That Take on New Meaning After Having Kids

Comparing life pre-kids to life post-kids is like comparing life on Earth to life on Mars. Totally futile and a bit pointless. One thing that I do find myself noticing, however, is that certain words that used to mean one thing, now, since the advent of our son, have a whole new meaning. Observe...

13 Definitions for Words That Take on New Meaning After Kids:

1. Dry cleaning

Post-kids "dry cleaning" is baby wiping the top that you're already wearing, most likely in public.

2. Lie in

Any time you see 7 on that clock. Boom. Congratulations you just had a lie in.

3. All-nighter

When the soundtrack is more screaming and crying than drum and bass.

4. Baby-friendly

Any place that doesn't give mothers of screaming babies side-eye for subjecting the world to *shock horror* a small human doing pretty much exactly what small humans do.

5. Wine

Medicinal mum-juice.

6. Dressing up

Anytime I have to put a bra on pretty much.

7. Me-time

Going to the supermarket. On. My. Own. F*cking heaven.

8. Pampering

Having a shower. On. My. Own. F*cking heaven.

9. Sex

Squeezing The Look (we all know The look), undressing, foreplay (if lucky) and two orgasms into the time it takes The Child to watch an episode of Peppa Pig. Hot.

10. Cleaning

When you have to 'chisel' Weetabix off furniture using a spatula.

11. Tired

When you're so exhausted that you start to question very seriously if reality is even real. Freeeeeeeaky.

12. Disgusting

Pre-kids seeing something gross on TV or opening a really old tub of yoghurt might be disgusting. Post-kids disgusting is catching hot poo in your bare hand.

13. Love

If you had to choose to spend the rest of your life doing ONE thing and smelling the back of their neck is the thing you would choose...