Pilates? Yoga? Swearing off the vino? Yeah right. Here are my seven (realistic) New Year’s resolutions of an Irish mother...
1. Stop fantasising that Hugh Jackman might show up to fit that bin you picked up from Ikea for under the kitchen sink eight months ago. He’s clearly a busy man and also, he’s married, for Christs’ sake. (Sidenote: NO ONE is ever coming to fit that bin).
2. Wear something besides tracksuit bottoms or leggings every day. Yes, they have elasticated waists and are very handy to throw on, but you used to GIVE A SH*T about how you looked. You used to wear things that made people say ‘Oh that’s nice – where did you get it?’. Remember that girl and dress her before you leave the house from now on.
3. Get outside with the kids for fresh air once a day. The twenty-second walk from the front door to the car does not count.
4. Find every toy in the house that is smaller than the size of an apple or similar and throw it in the bin. Removing yourself of the three-times-a-day task of picking them up off the floor and shoving them into their relevant boxes and shelves, will eventually save you an average of eighty-seven hours per year (or thereabouts).
5. Check both shoulders in a mirror before you leave the house. Smelling like stale milk and puke is enough – you don’t need to present evidence to the world AS WELL.
6. Stop checking out your arse in the mirror. It is neither Kim Kardashian nor Cameron Diaz-esque but somewhere in the vast, vast between. It’s not the same arse that it was before you had kids and perhaps it never will be again but it’s still your arse. Get over it and remember: someone obviously likes it or you wouldn’t keep getting pregnant.
7. Pick one morning or afternoon a week to turn your phone off and just sit and play with your kids. The puking and nose picking and calling the postman ‘Poo Head’ will one day stop, and then you’ll be probably be sorry that you spent so much time raging about the kitchen bin while you could have been using couch cushions to make a boat. And FYI - couch boats are COOL.
What have YOU resolved to change in 2017? Let us know your New Year plans in the Facebook comments. You can also join the conversation on Twitter @HerFamilydotie
