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09th May 2016

All the pros and cons of the ‘Terrible Twos’

Sophie White

So a few months ago I made an impassioned case against the very existence of the terrible twos. (See 8 Reasons I’ve Decided That the Terrible Twos Don’t Exist)

My assertion was not based on science, but rather a deep denial about the fact that I’ve still got 184 more days of this. My latest approach is to focus on the positives of the Terrible Twos. However every time I think of a Pro, a Con presents itself.

10 Pros and Cons of the Terrible Twos:

1. Better communication

Pro: He can tell me what’s wrong, instead of me just trying to guess from his pitch of cry all the time.

Con: He can tell me that his bowl is the “wong one, wong one, WONG ONNNNNNNEEEEE!” And he can then proceed to chant “Santa bowl, Santa bowl, Santa bowl.” until I relent and decant his dinner into the ‘correct’ bowl.

2. Better hand-eye coordination

Pro: I can get him to carry things for me now.

Con: He can carry the soil filled planter in from the garden and f*ck soil everywhere in the time it takes me to pull a jumper over my head.

3. Increased interest in food preparation

Pro: I gave him a bit of dough, and he played happily while I made pizzas for dinner.

Con: He has a level 19 full-scale shitfit if, while preparing his cheese and crackers, I “cut it wong!!!!!!” He’s so goddamn persnickety sometimes.

4. Lowered tolerance for parental nudity

Pro: His OBSESSION with coming with me to the bathroom appears, at last, to have waned.

Con: He says really hurtful things about my body now, like picking up my boob in the bath and saying “Moo.”

5. Heightened awareness of danger

Pro: He is a teeny tiny bit less likely to run into oncoming traffic.

Con: He CANNOT be wholly relied on to not run into oncoming traffic, and it’s impossible to predict when he’s going to avoid the cars or run head first into a building site. Toddlers are pretty erratic.

6. Increased affection

Pro: My god, it’s the absolute loveliest feeling in the world when they throw their little toddler arms around your neck and give you a moist, snotty kiss on the lips.

Con: It’s most definitely harder to leave him now that he likes me more when he was a baby he barely seemed to notice my comings and goings. These days, the creche drop off has become more overwrought and emotional than an episode of Oprah.

7. Increased desire to exert own free will

Pro: It’s lovely that he’s becoming his own little person and gaining independence.

Con: He is becoming far too independent for my liking. “Come back and be my little baby again,” I feel like wailing. Plus he won’t let me pick out his clothes anymore. Seriously.

8. Refusal to wait for anything

Pro: His enthusiasm is adorable.

Con: Well, he won’t f*cking wait for ANYTHING. It’s adorable but maddening.

9. Obsession with vehicles (Anyone else’s toddler OBSESSED with cars and trucks and vans and tractors??? Anyone?)

Pro: Bringing him in the car is no longer a grueling undertaking requiring careful timing to coincide with naps and feeds. These days he skips off to the car only thrilled at going in the “Kah! Kah! Kah!”

Con: He finds the cars of strangers irresistible and must touch and attempt to enter every single one we pass when out walking.

10. It’s flying by so fast

Pro: Not too much more of the level 19 full-scale shitfits.

Con: Slow down time and let him be two-years-old forever. Please. Please. PLEEEEEEASE.

Are you in the throes of the Terrible Twos? Got any pros or cons to add to this?!