Author’s Note: Parents read a lot of board books, enough that we start speaking in verse (just me?). I dedicate the following poem to all of us optimistic parents this New Year’s weekend… may we not come crashing back down to Earth on Monday morning!
Babies don’t sleep late.
It’s a concept to which you just may not relate
As red-blooded people, both you and I
Know the pleasure of weekends, the later to lie,
One would think that the youngest of us would agree,
Needing much more sleep, nightly, of course, than we.
You can see for yourself at some later date, but I’m here to tell you:
Babies don’t sleep late.
They have their routines, they get set in their ways,
And their porridge art often resembles Monets.
They’ll play and they’ll nap, they’ll eat and they’ll cry,
They’ll refuse to wear shoes and you may wonder why,
They get bumps they get gas they spit up they sit down,
When they try a new food you may find that they’ll frown.
They’ll coo and they’ll giggle, they might throw their plate,
But trust me: babies don’t sleep late.
You may have a baby that wakes up at six.
You’ll think: I can change this with some clever tricks!
Because I read a book and it says that if I
Leave my baby alone and let him or her cry,
And if I refuse to give her late night snacks
Or keep her in bed with me, safe from attacks,
And I give her the bottle and give her the breast,
And I make sure that she is the very best-dressed
If I get her up early and keep her up late,
If I praise her and scold her and tell her she’s great,
If I stick to routine and teach her to be flexible,
Track all her feeds on a chart that’s impeccable,
If I read to her Seuss and I read to her Proust,
If I feed her organic that’s only been juiced,
And I swaddle her up and I lie her down straight,
I promise you: Babies don’t sleep late.
So if one night you’re thinking:
“Gee that was a long day and I’m so happy the baby’s finally asleep maybe I’ll just sit up with my partner and catch up on Orange Is The New Black and finish that box of cookies and why not have a glass of wine and it’s so nice to just sit up and enjoy each other I can’t remember the last time we did this I’m sure she’s going to sleep in tomorrow because she had such a busy day today and she’s exhausted and she stayed up too late and let’s just watch one more episode I don’t care that it’s 1 am yes I KNOW we’re just on the couch but I would call this a date…”
Don’t fool yourself. Babies don’t sleep late.
Find the author on Twitter and Instagram @AniMSarkisian, or at TheSaltyCookie.org. 
