‘How do I tell my daughter I don’t want her going to a particular friend’s house?’

Anna Martin

How would you tell your daughter no?

This is quite a difficult situation for parents to be in, but one many of us have faced.

Telling your child they’re not allowed to go to a certain friend’s house can cause a lot of upset.

Your child could get angry and hurt and then there’s the question of how to frame things in both a way that they’ll understand without hurting feelings.

This is exactly why one father turned to Reddit to seek advice for this exact scenario.

“We don’t want my 5-year-old daughter going other to one of her friend’s houses,” the man wrote, “She is allowed to go to other friend’s houses but we don’t trust the mother of this particular friend, and worry she won’t be safe there.

“What should I tell my daughter? – she keeps begging us to be able to go and the friend’s mum is keen to have her.”

The dad explained the situation further.

“It’s hard to adequately put into words as there have been lots of small things building up over the last two years,” he continued, “The mum often seems very spaced out and irresponsible.

“Social services are involved with her daughter. Her boyfriend seems strange they haven’t been together long and we are worried the mother might leave our daughter alone with him.

“As I mentioned we have known the mum for two years, have spoken to her numerous times, had meetups with our kids in the park outside school, my wife has gone to parent’s social events with her etc. So these feelings have built up over time, they aren’t first/early impressions.”

Now that people had more facts, they freely offered advice to the concerned father.

“Go as well- let the other mum know you would like to go with your daughter the first time because you are just that crazy/overprotective! (Self-deprecating comment, rather than saying you don’t trust her),” recommended one.

“Can you just be honest and say you are only comfortable with her going to friend’s houses where you are very good friends with parents until she’s older to keep her safe? Just say it’s not that they aren’t nice people, it’s just that you don’t know them well enough,” added another.

A third commented, “It may seem counterintuitive, but were it my child, I would just be honest and say I’m not comfortable with some of the behaviour I’ve seen and therefore, play dates are only going to happen at our house.

“Honestly though, if I have concerns about the parenting, I likely wouldn’t risk having something happen at our home and then having to deal with the parents.”