With siblings, it really can go from zero to 100 very quick.
If you have siblings, you’ll know how to press all their buttons at once, and vice versa – often causing fights.
As a parent, it can be extremely frustrating and even upsetting to watch your children fight with each other, but it’s part and parcel of being a sibling.
However, a parenting expert has taken to TikTok to share her seasoned advice in this area.
Dr. Siggie Cohen says the main goal shouldn’t be to stop them from fighting but to teach them to fight well with understanding and communication.
“Every connection has friction,” she explained, adding that fighting is not “bad behaviour” it’s simply “human behaviour.”
She suggested that instead of parents asking, “Why are you always fighting?” try letting them know that it’s okay to fight, that everyone fights, but it’s how we learn to get through it that matters.
Dr. Siggie’s next parenting tip to add to your toolbox is to never take sides when your kids are locking horns.
Labelling one as the ‘victim’ and one as the ‘bully’, regardless of how you perceive the argument, should be avoided at all costs, according to the child development specialist.
Instead of saying ‘What did YOU do?’ Dr. Siggie recommends letting each child explain their side and letting them know you are interested in hearing both accounts of the argument.
“You each tell me both what happened, one at a time. I want to hear you both,” is the one-liner she suggests using in this situation.
And finally, the parenting expert advises that your child can’t just be the problem, they must also be a part of the solution, or at least have some part in it.
We get it. Jumping into the battlefield with your kids seems like the easiest resolution to putting the matter to bed when you’re the parent, but Dr. Siggie advises against this.
She suggests hearing them out, and not jumping in to fix or solve it yourself and instead asking: “What would you two (or 3) like to do about this? I bet you have some ideas.”
This will hopefully promote solution-based thinking and effective communication going forward.
Dr. Siggie also shared that parents of children with learning or thinking differences, such as ADHD or dyslexia, may see more fighting between offspring.
If this applies to you, she recommends visiting understood.org for free parenting resources, professional help, and a community of other parents facing similar challenges.
We’re waiting to meet someone who can help stop siblings fighting permanently, but, until then, maybe some of Dr. Siggie’s tips will take some of the heat out of sibling arguments.
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