So you have met the man of your dreams, you had the fairytale wedding and have decided to procreate. What now?
What happens after Cinderella rides off into the sunset with Prince Charming, and why did nobody explain to me that it involves scraping human poop off your diamond ring? Having a baby with your other half is a wonderful and inspirational experience. But it is also challenging.
Ways my children have tried to break us up;
(a) General shrieking in our ears while we are having dinner together,
(b) Sleeping in between us, and
(c) destroying my youthful looks
Luckily, so far, we have managed to survive the baby years. We are like those wily love padlocks you see on bridges; In spite of the rust and the vandalism, they hang together, tightly bound, through it all. Getting locked together, in the other sense, helps too of course!
1. Shared Interests
I do not like golf, and my husband does not enjoy long walks. We don't have everything in common, and that is ok. Instead, we have devised a genius system of HATING the same things, and this brings us closer. We love to hate; the Rose of Tralee, Minions, Non-poppyseed bagels, twitter, Middle America and beards.
2. Respect for each other
Giving each other the space to have our own lives is really important. I value my own time greatly and sometimes I just need to be around nobody for a bit. I love that my husband just lets me be me and doesn't get up in my grill. Equally, I would NEVER arrange anything for a Thursday night as I know he plays football. He has never missed it, (when we had our children he still managed to make football) and I am ok with that.
3. A common enemy
Not that the children are our enemies...but we have to have a stick-together policy. It is vital as we are outnumbered! Our canny kids like to try the old 'Daddy said we could play the iPad or 'I'm allowed have popcorn AND candyfloss' at the cinema. Try as you like, kids, we are on to you!
4. Our Bucket List
Because I have no interest in going to the Ryder Cup, and he will never come hiking with me, we have devised a family bucket list that includes watching the northern lights, going to Disneyland and doing the Viking Splash. It's not just about us compromising with each other, it's about us realising that our world, for now, revolves around the children.
5. Having a laugh
My husband makes me laugh, and he usually laughs at me. I'm fine with that as long as we are both giggling together. It sure beats crying at 5 am because you are JUST SO EXHAUSTED.
6. The little things
The other day I was all set to give out to my partner for not having bought me flowers in AGES, but I realised he had picked me up my favourite chocolate bar earlier that day and was actually out watering my plants that he knows I love. I always lay out his football gear (yes, on Thursdays) and give him the best part of the roast on a Sunday. I still want the whirlwind, but sometimes, the breeze is just as nice.
7. Stick 'em up!
Recently someone said something slightly disparaging about me in a jokey-but-real way, and I was so happily surprised when my husband took them up on it. It is so nice to remember that you have a champion on your side, especially when you are feeling vulnerable and under-confident after having children.
8. Love
We have had a challenging few years, and without being able to lean on each other, I think it may have taken its toll. Despite the all-nighters, the fumbling early days when we didn't know much about babies and colic and winding, we have survived it. I am so happy to say, that in my experience so far, these shared moments of hell are made sweeter when you see the results of the hard work in the shape of happy, chatty, smart kids.
I made the mistake of thinking if it wasn't all candles and romantic gazes we were doing something wrong. But parenthood shapes you in a different way, and to the core. You both have a better understanding of the people you really are, and your goalposts begin to change. Now those brief moments when the children aren't fighting or spilling, and we are all together, and we laugh about something mundane - that is perfection, and that is our own personal happily every after - for now.
What tips do you have for surviving the baby years together?
