Appearing on the Ray D’Arcy show yesterday was a young girl who spoke some of the most measured, sincere and most importantly, informed, arguments we have heard so far in the marriage equality debate. Live on air, Safia read a letter she had written about her family. Safia, the adopted daughter of Colm and Paul, is one of the first young people in this country to speak about their experiences of having gay parents.
Her viewpoint is essential to the debate that will come to ahead this May 22. Her first-hand experience of a family life that some have described as being far from “the ideal” will offer greater insight into what is “normal”. And hopefully highlight just how irrelevant “normal” is when it comes to a loving and supportive family environment, whatever the situation.
Her letter showed a family like any other:
“My parents cook, clean and do laundry, listen to me moan about school and help me through exams, just like any other parents. So how are they not ideal? How is my family not ideal?”
Previously, Safia lived with her mum, Susie, who sadly passed away in 2007 after a long illness. Before she died, Susie appointed her long-time friend, activist and author, Colm O’Gorman and his then partner now husband, Paul, as legal guardians of both her children, Sean and Safia
Reading from her letter, Safia said:
“Marriage equality is a topic I feel very strongly about as my parents are two gay men…One of the things that really upsets me is people saying my family is not ideal. People who are saying this don’t know a thing about my family.”
The letter also dealt with some of the more superficial points sometimes raised in the debate such as the ludicrous question of how a young girl could talk about periods and bras to a man? Safia responded quite reasonably with:
“Why shouldn’t a daughter be able to talk to her father about these things? It doesn’t make me uncomfortable or embarrassed.”
O’Gorman admitted that like any protective parent, he was unsure of what to do about the letter:
“My first inclination was that we shouldn’t do anything about this. I’m nervous, but I’m really, really proud of her.”
Safia, however, was adamant that she wanted to share her perspective and address the subject of gay marriage. She pointed out that as it stands members of the LGBT community are not afforded the same rights as straight people in this country and questioned the motivations of those who don’t believe in marriage equality:
“Here is a question I would like to ask everyone who is against marriage equality; how exactly would it affect you? How does letting gay people get married and be happy affect your life in any way?…You want people to be denied their right to marry the person they love, but how would their getting married affect you?”
The simplicity of Safia’s message is its strength. She could also be the most powerful illustration of what an enlightened Irish society might one day look like. She finished with these words:
“My parents have raised me with manners and to be respectful of others and I think that is pretty ideal.”
As they say, the proof is in the pudding.
