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Parenting

02nd Jun 2016

Parenting by Percentages: 10 Truths About Living With a Toddler

Sophie White

I have a toddler and he is rapidly becoming the single funniest, cutest, most adorable, loving person I have ever met.

And frustrating, never forget frustrating…

Parenting by Percentages: 10 Truths About Living With a Toddler:

1. Living with a toddler is…

50 % Leg hugs

50 % Grabbing their legs before they launch themselves off the couch.

via GIPHY

2. Living with a toddler is…

60 % Them running to hug you .

20 % Them running into oncoming traffic (terrifying).

And 20 % Them running into furniture.

via GIPHY

3. Living with a toddler is…

30 % Trying to put clothes on them.

30 % Trying to get the bloody clothes back off them.

20 % Trying to get them into the bath.

And 20 % Pleading with them to get out of the bath.

via GIPHY

4. Living with a toddler is…

18 % Making toast.

32 % Cutting the toast WRONG.

10 % Making even MORE toast.

And 40 % Picking untouched toast back up off the floor. Rage.

via GIPHY

5. Living with a toddler is…

2 % Making nutritious meals

And 98 % CHISELLING dried Weetabix off the furniture.

via GIPHY

6. Living with a toddler is…

22 % Spelling words

29 % Realising that there are a lot of words that you can’t spell

28 % Whispering to your co-parent about a sensitive issue (‘ice cream’ for example) and having them repeat what you just said back to you at a normal (or LOUDER) volume. Rage.

And 21 % Raging at your partner because now there is a chant of ‘ice cream, ice cream, ICE CREAM’ competing with my inner monologue chant of ‘wine, wine, WINE…’

via GIPHY

7. Living with a toddler is…

64 % Trying to open a packet of crisps COMPLETELY SILENTLY.

And 46 % Failing.

via GIPHY

8. Living with a toddler is…

1 % Thinking: “I’m Getting the hang of this”.

32 % Thinking: “F*CK, where is he???”

And 67 % Thinking: “My god where did he get that knife/scissors/lipstick/permanent marker/machine wash only light coloured cashmere jumper???”

via GIPHY

9. Living with a toddler is…

11 % Stepping on tiny, sharp, stabby little toys (LEGO, You are a diabolical fiend.)

9 % Stepping on really LOUD toys, when trying to sneak out of their bedroom.

30 % Stepping in unidentifiable goo.

23% Stepping in goo that is all too identifiable (it’s a partially digested banana and rice cake combo).

And 27 % Stepping away from the wine at 11am, even though it is SERIOUSLY tempting sometimes…

via GIPHY

10. Living with a toddler is…

100 % Absolute craic. Seriously they’re hilarious.

via GIPHY

Topics:

parenting