Parenting by Percentages: 10 Truths About Living With a Toddler

I have a toddler and he is rapidly becoming the single funniest, cutest, most adorable, loving person I have ever met. And frustrating, never forget frustrating... Parenting by Percentages: 10 Truths About Living With a Toddler: 1. Living with a toddler is... 50 % Leg hugs 50 % Grabbing their legs before they launch themselves off the couch. via GIPHY 2. Living with a toddler is... 60 % Them running to hug you . 20 % Them running into oncoming traffic (terrifying). And 20 % Them running into furniture. via GIPHY 3. Living with a toddler is... 30 % Trying to put clothes on them. 30 % Trying to get the bloody clothes back off them. 20 % Trying to get them into the bath. And 20 % Pleading with them to get out of the bath. via GIPHY 4. Living with a toddler is... 18 % Making toast. 32 % Cutting the toast WRONG. 10 % Making even MORE toast. And 40 % Picking untouched toast back up off the floor. Rage. via GIPHY 5. Living with a toddler is... 2 % Making nutritious meals And 98 % CHISELLING dried Weetabix off the furniture. via GIPHY 6. Living with a toddler is... 22 % Spelling words 29 % Realising that there are a lot of words that you can't spell 28 % Whispering to your co-parent about a sensitive issue ('ice cream' for example) and having them repeat what you just said back to you at a normal (or LOUDER) volume. Rage. And 21 % Raging at your partner because now there is a chant of 'ice cream, ice cream, ICE CREAM' competing with my inner monologue chant of 'wine, wine, WINE...' via GIPHY 7. Living with a toddler is... 64 % Trying to open a packet of crisps COMPLETELY SILENTLY. And 46 % Failing. via GIPHY 8. Living with a toddler is... 1 % Thinking: "I'm Getting the hang of this". 32 % Thinking: "F*CK, where is he???" And 67 % Thinking: "My god where did he get that knife/scissors/lipstick/permanent marker/machine wash only light coloured cashmere jumper???" via GIPHY 9. Living with a toddler is... 11 % Stepping on tiny, sharp, stabby little toys (LEGO, You are a diabolical fiend.) 9 % Stepping on really LOUD toys, when trying to sneak out of their bedroom. 30 % Stepping in unidentifiable goo. 23% Stepping in goo that is all too identifiable (it's a partially digested banana and rice cake combo). And 27 % Stepping away from the wine at 11am, even though it is SERIOUSLY tempting sometimes... via GIPHY 10. Living with a toddler is... 100 % Absolute craic. Seriously they're hilarious. via GIPHY