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Parenting

25th Nov 2024

Parenting expert’s advice to parents dealing with extreme tantrums at home

Sophie Collins

A concerned mum recently opened up about her three-year-old son’s alarming habit of biting himself when he’s having tantrums. 

Speaking to Sean Moncrieff on Newstalk, she described how her child’s frustration often leads to biting, sometimes breaking the skin.  

The mum explained that the behaviour typically occurs in moments of transition or frustration, like when the TV is turned off or during a tantrum.  

“It’s alarming to us as we don’t know if this constitutes self-harm or not,” she said.  

Adding to her worry is the perception of others:  

“When he goes to the creche, they look at me like I’m an awful mother because he has marks all over himself,” she shared. 

“Strangely enough, he doesn’t act like that in the creche. They say he’s well-behaved and self-soothes in a healthy way if he gets upset.”  

Despite their best efforts, the biting continues at home, leaving both parents worried and unsure how to address the issue.  

Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune spoke about why children often exhibit different behaviours at home compared to other settings.  

“It’s entirely possible that he contains his frustration when he’s not with you,” she explained. “You see it more because you’re the safe space to fall apart in.”  

According to Joanna, lots of kids suppress their emotions in structured environments to please caregivers but feel comfortable expressing those emotions at home where they feel unconditional love.  

Joanna suggested that the biting may be linked to sensory regulation.  

“At three years old, he’s still developing verbal skills to express himself,” she said. 

“This behaviour could be a way of releasing frustration and tension or meeting sensory needs.”  

Engaging in more physical activities could help the child channel his sensory needs in a healthier way.  

“I’d be really interested in how much outdoor time he has,” Joanna said. 

“Increasing it by 10% to 20% could make a big difference. A little run outside – whether in a garden or a local green area – could help provide the sensory input he needs.”  

While witnessing this kind of behaviour in your child is undoubtedly distressing for parents, understanding the root cause and finding targeted strategies can help the child navigate their emotions in a healthier way.  

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