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5th January 2024
06:20pm GMT
Becoming parents for the first time is a magical thing, but it comes with a host of new adjustments.
While it's a time filled with love and exciting new beginnings, sometimes those closest to you may fail to see or discuss the challenging side of the experience.
One mum, who wanted to put together a practical and helpful book for her expecting sister-in-law, reached out to the internet to find out what they wished people had said to them when they became a first-time parent.
"If only I knew what I knew now (which isn’t much)…FTM [full-time mum] of 8 month old. My sister-in-law is pregnant with her first and I want to make her a book of things that I needed to hear when I was in the thick of it," they wrote on Reddit.
|I know you all know what I’m talking about…what helped you when you were so sleep deprived you were crying, or terrified of your baby waking up because the pain of beginning to breastfeed?
"It can be anything from kind words to advice. This sh*t is hard ... You guys are amazing parents and we are all just trying to survive."
Many of the replies came from parents who said that they wished someone had acknowledged how challenging the early days of parenthood can be.
One user urged friends and family of new parents to never say "it gets better at moth [months] 3...6.."
"I remember being in the thick of it in the newborn stage and my boss telling me "yeah, it sucks until they can sit up, it gets so good after that" snd [and]my sister saying "just wait until 6 months! It's way easier then," they continued.
"I was like...I have yet to survive 3 weeks, you have no idea how long 6 months sounds. Even if it's true, when you're in it, it really sounds like eternity."
Another topic that came up across the thread numerous times was the pressure a new parent feels to bond instantaneously.
"For the spouse: It can be normal to hate your kid when they are first born and it takes TIME to form a bond," one user stressed.
"You do not need to "enjoy every moment". There will be many many unenjoyable moments. Doesn't mean you don't love your kid. Just means you don't like being tired, pooped on, touched out, etc..." another wrote.
Many users reflected on their experience of becoming a new parent by wishing someone had spoken about alternative options to breastfeeding.
With breastfeeding, some new mums will experience guilt if it doesn't work out how they imagined and many users stressed how important it is not to let feeding outcomes and choices define who a person is as a mother.
"Don't be afraid of formula, even if you intend to EBF [exclusively breastfeed]. Maybe keep a small bit on hand just in case, even if it's just for the first few days to help flush biliruben levels while milk comes in," one Reddit user recommended.
"That breastfeeding 725372846 times an hour is totally normal. Also pump more!" another added.
Meanwhile, one mum shared one mantra to keep mums from feeling stress or guilt around feeding their baby.
"FED IS BEST, DO NOT LEAST THE PRESSURE TO BREASTFEED AFFECT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AND WELLBEING."
One mum, who had a caesarean when welcoming her baby, shared one line they wished they would've heard more afterwards.
They also said the same line would've been nice to hear throughout their struggles with infertility.
"I feel like nobody really acknowledges the hardships of new moms. Not generally, but individually--our unique hardships are dismissed because they are all lumped together as "Babies are hard," they wrote.
"I was always cautious to bring up what was hard for my situation - the despair of our infertility journey, the trauma of my first C-section, the way my first didn't give me a REM cycle stretch of sleep until a year.
"If I did find someone who cared enough to hear these hardships, they often had one-up stories for me. I needed to hear, "Damn, I'm sorry," sometimes," they wrote.
Other parents opted to share more practical tips for a parent when it comes to a baby's hygiene and everyday care.
"Neck cheese. Wash under the neck flaps to avoid this," one advised.
"Just because their eyes are open, doesn't mean they are awake," another added.
"Point the penis down when changing diaper. It's so simple and so easy to forget when they are squealing and squirming and then you just can't figure out wtf is wrong with you and why you can't put on a single diaper correctly," a third wrote.
"File baby's nails while they are eating. You don't clip too short and they are distracted enough not to freakout (hopefully)," they continued.
"Always place a fresh diaper under the soiled diaper before changing the diaper. Newborns pee. A lot. Unexpectedly. All the time," a fourth suggested.
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