Love is a noun, but it's also a verb.
Feeling loved plays a vital part in your child's development. Parental or guardian love is incredibly beneficial for their happiness, acceptance and stability.
Psychotherapist Amy Morin, host of the
Mentally Strong People podcast says: "Love and security assures them they don't need to worry about adult-sized problems and it gives them the freedom to just be kids. When kids feel secure and loved, they are free to focus on other things—like learning and creativity."
Telling them we love them is a given, but these habits help ensure they feel it in their bones. I bet you're already doing lots of them.
1 Listen
It's not always possible, especially when they go through that phase of saying every word ever invented, several times a day and you have five million things to be doing. But as often as you can, turn to them with wide eyes and a smile, and actively listen to what they're saying with great interest. Ask follow up questions and tell them how damn interesting their story is.
2 Have fun with them
Not everything has to be a learning activity. When your kid knows you enjoy their company, they really feel the love. Amy Morin says: "Play games, be silly, and step into their world. Allow for unstructured time just to be together. This is the best way to bond with kids and show them that you value them enough to create time to spend together."
3 Hug them, even if they're too cool
Psychotherapist and self-care coach
Peg Sadie says: "Don't underestimate the power physical touch has in reinforcing the loving bond with your children at every age. Especially for teenagers, that no longer come running asking for it, they still need the physical reassurance—same as adults. Make the effort to hug them each and every day as much as possible."
4 Include them in decisions
"Asking children for their input, whether it's where to get take-out for dinner or something bigger like what they think about relocating, acknowledges that what they have to say matters and that you value their opinion. Knowing that they, too, have a say increases their feeling of belonging as well as security," according to Peg Sadie.
5 Keep things as structured as possible
When it comes to feeling loved, structure and reliability are the kid equivalent to a big bunch of red roses. When they know what to expect from life, and you always follow through, they become secure little beings with nothing to feel anxious about.
Family and relationship psychotherapist
Fran Walfish says: "Children thrive on consistency. Maintain the child's bedtime, mealtimes, wake-up time, homework schedule, and extra-curricular activities. The more stable your child's life and routine the more he or she will feel secure and loved, and the less anxiety he will suffer."
6 Remember that gifts are not love
Kids really do prefer your presence to your presents. Amy Morin urges parents to think back to their own childhoods and consider what they remember most. "You'll likely recall doing fun activities with your parents. And you probably don't remember what you got for your birthday when you were 10. With that in mind, it's important to think about the life lessons you want your kids to learn and the type of memories you want to create with them."
7 Let them know you love them, no matter what
Children need to know they are loved even if they make a mistake. Pediatric psychologist
Laura Gerak says: "Be their support. Express that you're proud of them for taking responsibility and then use it as a learning opportunity for the future.
"Discuss the situation and pose these questions: What did you learn? What would you do differently next time? This gives them the message they aren't always going to be perfect, no one is, but that you have faith they will figure it out and they are competent to manage this. At the same time, you are also building their confidence since you are helping them find ways to fix their mistakes rather than stepping in for them. A double win."
