The 42 (thousand) minutes of bedtime battles that we struggle with every night
I don't know about you guys, but in our house, bedtimes can be a bit of a battle...
And when I say battle, really what I mean is the apocalypse. On steroids. Just worse. Far, far worse.
And it's not for our lack of trying everything, from pre-bedtime down-time, to bribery tactics, basically ANYTHING under the sun to get them to GO TO THEIR FLIPPING BEDS.
But no such luck. Or at least not without a LOT (and some very time-consuming) delaying tactics that make me think these kids were politicians in a previous life. Or at the very least should be in this one.
Here are some (semi-regular) things that happen in our house in the seven minutes before bedtime (and the 37,000 minutes after. Those are minutes based on how long they feel, by the way, not actual minutes. Who the heck has time to check the clock when it's bedtime, anyway?!)
Someone is DYING with thirst. (Often, this happens to be the same kid that HATES water during daylight hours).
All of a sudden they want to SIT ON TOOOOILET (coincidently; during the day, he is happy as a clam peeing in his nappy, and has ZERO interest in the toilet).
The five-year-old wants to discuss the Big Bang Theory (as in how the world began, not the TV show) – after an afternoon of every time I asked her a question (How was your day? Who did you play with?) she just shrugged or answered in one-word sentences.
The two-year-old wants all 27 of his "special friends" into bed with him (teddies, minions, huge metal Lightning McQueen...) as he can simply NOT sleep without them. I should add that during the day, he does not as much as LOOK at a teddy bear.
The five-year-old thinks her leg is sore.
The five-year-old now KNOWS that her leg is sore but wants to discuss why this could be.
The five-year-old thinks it miiight have been the trampoline hopping at a friend's house and leaves it at that.
The two-year-old cried because his pillow has a picture of Elsa on it. "He HATES Elsa", the five-year-old declares and shakes her head. As if she is saying "you're a terrible mother for not knowing that, obvs."
Change pillowcase to one that has a clatter of Paw Patrol puppies on it. Met with semi-happiness.
The five-year-old needs to poop.
The two-year-old does a poop in his nappy.
The five-year-old remembers that daddy promised her a chocolate rice cake (like five hours ago), and WHY did she not get her rice cake?
Cries over rice cake until promised she can have it for breakfast.
The five-year-old remembers that she forgot to tell me about something REALLY funny that happened in school today.
Tells me the story (I'm sorry, but it is NOTHING that couldn't have waited until the morning).
The two-year-old wants the lights on.
The two-year-old wants the lights off.
The five-year-old thinks she saw something move beside the Barbie house.
Daddy is called in – in case it turns out to be a spider.
Turns out is was nothing (the five-year-old thinks maybe her eyes are just tired, maybe it was just her own eyelid when she blinked).
The two-year-old falls asleep during spider-hunt.
The five-year-old falls asleep 21 (thousand) minutes later.
*Mentally open a bottle of wine as I creep out of their room....
And then, when I have had an hour to myself, when my own bedtime is nearing, I do what I always do. Which is tip-toe into their room, marvel at how beautiful they are, sprawled across their beds, and think about how I can't wait for tomorrow to roll around so that I get to spend time with these funny, amazing little people again. Oh, motherhood...
What does the BEDTIME BATTLE look like in YOUR house? What are the craziest excuses your kids have for not wanting to go to sleep? Join the conversation with us on Twitter: @Herfamilydotie