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Parenting

27th Feb 2015

The A-Z of first-time parenthood: A is for…

A is for amnesia, aggression and adoration

Sophie White

A is for amnesia, which most of us will suffer from at some point usually around 18 months after giving birth to our first child. All it takes is roughly three consecutive nights of the child sleeping through to forget everything negative about the newborn stage. To counter the inevitable amnesia write a letter to yourself when the newborn is around two weeks old, seal it and address it with “to be opened in the event of considering another baby” on the front. Oh, what the hell, embrace the amnesia. Two are better than one, sure they’ll practically raise each other.

A is also for aggression, which you will uncover in untapped abundance after you have a child. Aggression towards people who don’t pick up after their dogs the first time you wheel a pram through poo. Aggression towards people who ring the doorbell too persistently when the baby has finally fallen asleep and aggression towards various county councils who seem to be resolutely ignoring the state’s pothole epidemic. This aggression will also be your constant companion while using public transport with a pram, navigating supermarkets and when on the receiving end of co-diners irritation in restaurants. Channel this aggression into something positive, use it to terrorise kids on the road into helping you unload the shopping, take kick-boxing classes or use it for haranguing a better insurance quote.

A is also for adoration, the like of which you never felt before you held such a tiny, beautiful, defenceless creature.