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13th March 2024
10:43am GMT
Or maybe you had the bold corner or naughty step when you were small, whatever you called it we all either experienced it or watched it on Super Nanny.
While it’s true that research has found that it can be successful in controlling kids’ behaviour, evidence is mounting that it may not actually be good for kids, particularly little ones under the age of three.
Yet the question is, why is this and what can I try instead?
Some clever clogs from the Australian Association for Infant Mental Health Inc (AAIMHI) decided to carry out some research into the effects of the technique and the findings were very interesting.
They stated that it doesn't teach constructive ways to deal with problems. Instead, it shows that separation is the best way to solve conflict which isn't always true.
They also said that it fails to recognise that young children do not learn self-regulation of emotions by themselves; they need the support of a parent or carer.
Psychologist and author of Children Are People Too, Dr Louise Porter is also firmly against using time out.
She explains that: "The message behind 'time out' is that it’s naughty to get overwhelmed by emotion so children are to go to their room until they are prepared to behave themselves and apologise.
"If we punish children for not knowing how to do this, we are punishing them for being children."
She continued: "Would you send a child to their room because they can’t manage to learn how to ride a two-wheel bike? Being able to control emotions is a learned skill, part of a child’s development.
"It is a parental role and responsibility to teach them this, not to punish them when they struggle to learn it."
A better idea is to explain what the behaviour was that you didn’t like and give them alternatives to show how they could have managed that better.
Yes, toddlers might not always understand or respond to your reasoning but if you keep trying eventually they'll learn and stop the undesired behaviour.
Though it can be tough, we are the adults in the situation and we are the ones that can control our emotions so should lead by example.
Getting into an argument with them over staying on a step is not going to show them that you're in control in a positive way, it's going to show that you're winning the battle because you are bigger and stronger than they are, not because you’ve got the tools to overcome the problem.
Though it's important to remember that if the behaviour is violent or harming another child, then by all means remove the toddler from the situation and explain why you’ve done that.
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