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Parenting

06th Mar 2023

Woman wants her husband to pay her for minding their children – is she being unreasonable?

She said “either top up my wages or pay for a nanny.”

Studies show that finances are one of the most common things that couples fight about and a recent post on UK parenting site, Mumsnet, shows exactly what can happen when couples aren’t on the same page about these things.

British mum, Wiwi, wrote on the forum looking for some advice after her husband accepted a job that would result in major changes for the family.

She explains that her husband has been working from home the last four years while she works outside the home three days a week.

She said she often leaves the house at 6:30am and doesn’t get home until late, maybe 8-9pm.

Wiwi’s husband recently found a better paying job which is usually cause for celebration, but it’s located several hours away.

Taking it would mean he’d have to stay in his mothers house, as she lives closer, during the working week.

Accepting the new job would essentially make Wiwi a single parent Monday to Friday and it would mean her current working schedule is out of the question.

Having financial independence is so important in a relationship but because Wiwi’s husband is accepting this new role, it’s impossible for her to keep earning.

She said her “earning power will be severely impacted” as she “has no outside help” and will need to care for the couple’s daughter on the days she usually works.

She now wants her husband to top up her wages to what they would have been if he hadn’t disturbed the working schedule.

She said he needs to “either top up my wages to how much I’ve lost or pay for a nanny.”

In the blog post Wiwi goes into more detail about her current job saying she has a health condition and this job really fits well where others wouldn’t.

Meanwhile, her husband is saying that it’s a good thing he’s earning more money and that she’s being unreasonable asking for him to pay her a wage.

Wiwi explained in the post that her and her husband never really shared finances. They never had a shared bank account or shared loans so this new change was a big shock to Wiwi’s system.

Is she right?

Should her husband top up her wage or is she being unreasonable?

In the current situation, Wiwi’s husband will get to earn more money and keep his money while she has to give up her job and mind the kids or work her three day per week job and pay for childcare herself.

That is a little messed up.

Many people replied to Wiwi’s blog post with one commenting: “It’s not fair when one parent announces ‘I’m working so you can’t’ and doesn’t even share their earnings.”

Another noted that finances may not be the biggest problem in the relationship.

They said: “This couple needs to hire a therapist or a financial planner. Actually, it sounds like they might need both! This situation just isn’t going to work.”

While having a mix of opinions, most said the couple need to have a serious conversation about the household finances.

Things should be fair and neither parent should struggle financially when the other is earning good money.

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