Saying anything beyond "would you like some chocolate/wine/time to shower/sleep?" and "Well done you're a hero!" to a woman who just gave birth is not necessary.
Some, however, persist in goading the beast with tiresome questions about epidurals and oxytocin and feeding plans. As a c-section mama, I noticed the questions were slightly different. Now, I acknowledge that I may have been a little defensive on the subject (I had personal and totally unfounded hang-ups), but some of these comments were a bit mad, even to my addled new mother brain.
10 Most dangerous things to say to a woman who's just had a c-section:
1. "Aren't you lucky, to get out of the birth."
I object to the "getting out of things" sentiment here. We're not shirking anything by having c-sections!
2. "Too posh to push?"
Not too posh to push you over.
3. "C-sections are so much easier."
I can't imagine that anyone's c-section, no matter how scheduled or uncomplicated it was, could be described as 'easy'.
4. "You'll be up and about in no time."
Shhhhh! Don't spread that around, maybe I don't want to be up and about in no time. Maybe I want to milk this thing for all it's worth, ever think about that?
5. "You can't breastfeed after a c-section."
This is both untrue and really REALLY unhelpful, but oddly a lot of people have this misconception. I even read it in a book on breastfeeding and was really disheartened until I discovered firsthand that it's not necessarily true.
6. "So your vagina's okay?"
The Man definitely seemed to be angling for something....
7. "Stop complaining there are woman here who are tired after giving birth..."
A woman took her life in her hands when she said this to a friend of mine.
8. "No one else's catheter bag has to be changed as much as yours."
A tetchy midwife acted as if I was (involuntarily) urinating frequently just to make her life harder.
9. "There's no painkillers left."
I think I just glared at The Man in silence until he backed out of the room, walked out the front door, got into the car and drove directly to the pharmacy.
10. "You're not pregnant anymore!"
I pity the fool who utters this to a recently postpartum woman. For the vaginal birthers here's the opportunity to scream "I pushed your baby out of my vagina for you." For the c-section mamas "I just underwent MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY for you" works. Both kind of sound like there was an option to NOT give birth to their children, to just leave them in there and that we did it out of the goodness of our hearts. No matter, anyone seeking logical rationale from a postpartum woman is barking up the wrong tree.
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