Being pregnant is like being a celebrity temporarily.
Everyone wants to know every little thing about you. I advise basking in this attention as once you have the child you quickly become a second class citizen. Post baby, if you show up anywhere sans child people will make absolutely no effort to conceal their disappointment that it’s just you.
Among all the questions, I was bombarded with during pregnancy some were of a decidedly more ridiculous variety. Part of the issue is in the phrasing of the questions such as “Do you know what you’re having?” seems to suggest there’s a possibility that it’s not a baby in there.
10 Mildly Ridiculous Questions People Ask You When You’re Pregnant (with some suggested answers):
1. Were you trying? Were you trying long?
I don’t want to think about you thinking about me having sex, is that okay?
2. Do you know what you’re having?
A baby presumably? Hopefully?
3. Are you doing your pelvic floor exercises?
Yes, I’m doing them right now. (Hold their gaze for several minutes.)
4. How did you know you were pregnant?
You really want to know? I ate six hot dogs in two hours and was crying for about five days for no discernible reason. Such a lovely story.
5. How did you tell dad? (They want an adorable story here, like a poem you told him or a baby-shaped pancake breakfast you served. Do not give in.)
Just with words.
6. Have you been doing the perineum massage?
Never say the words “perineum” and “massage” to me again.
7. Are you going to be having a natural birth?
No, I’m going to have a SUPERNATURAL birth. Poltergeists will deliver this child while a Banshee (me) wails.
8. Will you be breastfeeding exclusively?
No, we’re not going to be exclusive in our breastfeeding relationship. I’ll be free to breastfeed other babies, and he can nurse with other mothers.
9. How are you going to manage childcare?
As in the care of the child? The usual way I imagine; feed and water at regular intervals.
And as soon as the baby is out…
10. Are you going to have another?
Vodka tonic? Yes. Pass me the bottle, please.
