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19th September 2016
04:12pm BST

1. Giving a f*ck
Seriously I'm all outta f*cks in the f*ck budget now. Something has to be major and I mean major for me to give a crap. The tank leaked into the back bedroom and I swear I cared more about the fact that the shop was out of mint Aeros.
2. Peeing in the plastic cup
It's a funny irony that for the most part in life it's rare we have much to do with urine samples unless you're a professional athlete or something. Then the one point in your life that you need to regularly hand over that creepily warm (and moist – "I've washed it, it's wet cuz I've washed it!" I always want to shout ) plastic cup it's virtually impossible to see or reach over the bump and fill it without weeing all over your arm in the process. Get out of the way bump!
3. Seeing the lower two-thirds of your body
Some days my tee-shirts are not even covering the lower half of the bump fully, though I rarely notice until a cold breeze alerts me to the exposed stretch of veiny, protruding bellybuttoned belly.
4. Sitting up
Without first rolling over and saying 'OOOOoomph' approximately 19 times and weeing yourself a bit.
5. Sleeeeeeeeeeeping
Just let me sleep dammit. Plus randomers won't shut up about how you'll "never sleep AGAIN!". Shut up randomers.
6. Listening to people moaning about their how fat they are
Seriously I am a person, with another person stuffed inside them I do not care about "how fat your arms are". I'm not feeling body-shamed by it or anything; I'm just over other people's low-grade body complaints at this stage – there is literally a small human pounding on my cervix to be let out.
7. Putting shoes and socks on
And don't get me started about the tights struggle – needing him to help dress me is the only thing keeping The Man and I together at this point.
8. Looking good while dancing
Veeeeeeeery hard to pull off – I'm still trying, though.
9. Eating
Anyone else finding that they're just too full of baby and heartburn to cram much in? Very frustrating when the end of joyful, guilt-free eating is drawing near.
10. Keeping your chill
Regarding pretty much EVERYTHING. In the last week I have cried about all of the following:
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