The 10 Things You NEVER Want To Be Saying As A Pregnant Woman 3 years ago

The 10 Things You NEVER Want To Be Saying As A Pregnant Woman

Pregnancy... it was the best of times; it was the worst of times...

For some it is a magical experience, for others it was a bizarre and grossly unfair return of teenage acne and a new found hatred for the smell of overly ripe bananas (anyone else get that banana thing? Or, was that just me?).

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Here're 10 things you never want to be saying as a pregnant woman:

1. "Oh my god, is that gas or the baby moving around?"

It's probably both. The levels of wind during pregnancy were a real eye opener to me.

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2. "I honestly can't decide if I am hungry or nauseous right now. Better try the toast..."

3. "No, no that was indeed nausea... BLECHHH"

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4. "Can't fly past eight months? But I'm only 20 WEEKS"

*Sad face*

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5. "Thank you... And sorry."

To the man who picked up my urine sample that had fallen out of my bag on the bus and rolled away from me as I desperately scuttled down the aisle to retrieve it.

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6. Did my waters just break? Or did I just piss myself ... in Tesco... again?

Luckily it was the latter. That's the stage you're at at nine months pregnant: Relieved to have only pissed yourself... oh the dignity is such a distant, distant memory.

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7. "You're telling me the toilets are for staff use only???"

Oh my god the rage. What fool would deny a pregnant woman the use of the toilet? I can only presume that this man had an actual death wish.

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8. "How, just, HOW can you be out of the chicken wings????"

A word to restaurateurs, it is never advisable to deny a pregnant woman her cravings.

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9. "Did YOU just ask ME to make YOU tea?????

Oh, The Man was living dangerously that night.

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10. What do you mean I'm only 2 centimetres dilated???

I pity the poor midwife delivering this bit of news.

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