Pregnancy… it was the best of times; it was the worst of times…
For some it is a magical experience, for others it was a bizarre and grossly unfair return of teenage acne and a new found hatred for the smell of overly ripe bananas (anyone else get that banana thing? Or, was that just me?).
Here’re 10 things you never want to be saying as a pregnant woman:
1. “Oh my god, is that gas or the baby moving around?”
It’s probably both. The levels of wind during pregnancy were a real eye opener to me.
2. “I honestly can’t decide if I am hungry or nauseous right now. Better try the toast…”
3. “No, no that was indeed nausea… BLECHHH”
4. “Can’t fly past eight months? But I’m only 20 WEEKS”
*Sad face*
5. “Thank you… And sorry.”
To the man who picked up my urine sample that had fallen out of my bag on the bus and rolled away from me as I desperately scuttled down the aisle to retrieve it.
6. Did my waters just break? Or did I just piss myself … in Tesco… again?
Luckily it was the latter. That’s the stage you’re at at nine months pregnant: Relieved to have only pissed yourself… oh the dignity is such a distant, distant memory.
7. “You’re telling me the toilets are for staff use only???”
Oh my god the rage. What fool would deny a pregnant woman the use of the toilet? I can only presume that this man had an actual death wish.
8. “How, just, HOW can you be out of the chicken wings????”
A word to restaurateurs, it is never advisable to deny a pregnant woman her cravings.
9. “Did YOU just ask ME to make YOU tea?????
Oh, The Man was living dangerously that night.
10. What do you mean I’m only 2 centimetres dilated???
I pity the poor midwife delivering this bit of news.
