10 weird things no-one ever ever says about pregnant sex
As pregnancy lasts for the best part of a year it seems unrealistic to expect to be celibate but what to expect during sex when you're expecting?
10 weird things no one ever says about pregnant sex:
1. You might be too nauseous
Especially at first. If you're already feeling seasick permanently then rhythmic rocking may not be the best choice of activity.
2. You might be too crampy
Sometimes early pregnancy can feel as uncomfortable and crampy as the day before your period starts times a million. Frankly the thought of letting anyone or anything near you (bar a giant slab of cadbury's that is) is just out of the question.
3. You might be a bit afraid
It's irrational but very common. Over zealous sex can seem like too aggressive an activity for a poor defenceless little foetus to contend with. A good thing to bear in mind is that the penis – no matter how gigantic (even if its nickname is Gigantor) – is not aimed at the baby during sex and the baby is protected by the cervix, the uterus and the amniotic fluid. As long as you are not advised otherwise by your doctor, feel free to saddle up.
4. Pregnant sex is... THE BEST
Pregnancy hormones can make the Gestator pretty hot to trot, pity that many of us couldn't be looking any worse at this point. No matter, our partners got us into this state they can suck it up and help us out.
5. Pregnant sex is... seriously CREEPY
There's something about pregnant sex that's a little unnerving; it can feel like there's a presence in the room – like a beloved pet is watching and becoming increasingly traumatised by your antics.
6. Sometimes the bump fights back
Kicks during pregnant sex are surely involuntary, but they can't help but seem... ominous.
7. Loud orgasms somehow don't feel right
They can hear what's going on in there. That's all I'm saying. And nobody (especially The Man) orgasms pretty. I would seek to protect anyone, even a grown adult from having to hear the sound he makes, nevermind an innocent foetus. Though according to science, thankfully the baby doesn't feel more than a bit of jostling, similar to you walking up the stairs – they don't know what's going on in there.
8. Your boobs might leak
I had no idea this was a thing until The Man was road testing the new giant preggers boobies when they turned on him spectacularly, hissing colostrum and scaring him off foreplay permanently.
9. Being on the receiving end of some preggo lady love can be pretty intimidating (judging by The Man's face anyway)
I couldn't blame him really, could I? Having a 20 lb beach ball repeatedly coming at your face (by this stage Preggo has to go on top due to the laws of physics) must be unnerving.
10. Apparently pregnant sex can lull the foetus to sleep
This seems kind of cute, in a weird way...