By this stage in pregnancy, I am doing a total Blanche DuBois and relying on the kindness of strangers. Or if not quite strangers, then at least long-suffering friends.
At this point, I have asked a selection of my nearest and dearest to do a host of odd things for me as my increasingly egg-on-legs type body prevents me from doing, well, much of anything. I am currently building up to asking one of them to tend to my lady garden though the vadge has been out of sight (and therefore out of mind) for so long now that it might be time to call in a professional on that one.
10 Weird Things Good Friends Need To Do For Their Super Pregnant Pal:
1. Paint their toenails
Your friend cannot even see her vagina, pretty much any interaction with the feet is out of the question.
2. Shave their legs
I once shaved my friend's legs for her after she'd had her appendix out... it's payback time.
3. Pick stuff up for them
They're not gonna pick it up themselves after all.
4. Tell them that they have the arms of Jennifer Aniston
And throw in the word 'glowing' a LOT – you can't go wrong.
5. Talk them down from panic-spirals
The realisation that they're having a baby and that it will most likely be exiting their body through what is clearly a way-too-small hole comes in waves. Good friends need to lie to their super pregnant friend A LOT about what is coming.
6. Give them snacks to balance on their bump
It's freakin' cute. Plus they're frequently hungry/hangry. Don't let them get hangry.
7. Take pictures of them
Not in a Demi Moore kind of way (unless that is what she wants) but to chronicle their pregnancy. I have just four pictures of myself pregnant the first time round, and they were all taken by my girlfriends, and now I wish I had a few more. As much as I thought I looked like I had just swallowed a zeppelin whole at the time, it would still be nice to have a few more snaps of the carefree young pregnant me, before all that newborn shit hit the fan and I didn't sleep for two years.
8. Feel their bump
Go on give it a good old feel there. Bumps are the best and as much as the super pregnant may not want strangers to touch the bump it is nice when friends show an interest.
9. Talk about gross symptoms
It has to be done. Just call me the Bowel-Whisperer, pregnancy constipation is a very real struggle. Also expect mucho mucho nipple nattering, discharge debates and more chats about body changes than a Judy Blume novel.
10. Refrain from laughing when they're heaving themselves out of cars or off the sofa
This will be hard as the weeks pass but you don't want to incur the wrath of a very heavy, very hormonal woman.
Check out more pregnancy buzz here...
