Pregnancy by Percentages: 10 Truths About the Magical State of Gestation 4 years ago

Pregnancy by Percentages: 10 Truths About the Magical State of Gestation

Being pregnant is a crazy time, not least because it is when you are pregnant that you discover the amount of people who apparently have no regard for their own personal safety – you know, the people who insist on policing your food choices, commenting on your weight and asking if you were "trying". See also 10 Deeply Irritating Things People Need to Stop Doing to Pregnant People.

Our advice is to sit on them.

Pregnancy by Percentages: 10 Truths About the Magical State of Gestation

1. Pregnancy is...

50 % pure unadulterated delight

50 % abject terror.

via GIPHY

2. Pregnancy is...

60 % trying to decide if you're going to be sick

20 % hanging out in the loo in case you get sick

And 20 % getting sick the second there's no toilet nearby.

via GIPHY

3. Pregnancy is...

30 % wondering if the crisp sandwich is the best idea you've ever had

30 % wondering if the crisp sandwich is the WORST idea you've ever had

20 % thinking it's too late, you're already eating it

And 20 % wishing crisp sandwiches had never been born as you spew it back up again

via GIPHY

4. Pregnancy is...

18 % reading THE BOOK

32 % misquoting THE BOOK

40 % saying "what does THE BOOK say"

And 10 % saying "F*ck THE BOOK"

via GIPHY

5. Pregnancy is...

2 % feeling calm and at one with your foetus

And 98 % frantically googling things like 'weird pain in 3rd toe 14 weeks pregnant'

via GIPHY

6. Pregnancy is...

22 % comparing your foetus to different fruits

29 % avoiding overripe fruit (like the dreaded bananas) because everything smells DISGUSTING

28 % trying to eat more fruit for the good of your foetus

And 21 % really not wanting to eat fruit when there're crackers around

via GIPHY

7. Pregnancy is...

64 % wanting to sleep

And 46 % not being ABLE to sleep because of the giant baby crammed inside your body

via GIPHY

8. Pregnancy is...

1 % feeling like you've got this

32 % crying for no reason

And 67 % freaking out because WHAT THE F*CK ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH ANOTHER CHILD????

via GIPHY

9. Pregnancy is...

11 % stretchy pants

9 % industrial strength boulder-holder bras

30 % feeling like the maternity leggings have become grafted onto your body

23% desperately trying not to look like a pregnant, sweaty boiled gammon ham in a smock shirt

And 27 % giving up the will to get dressed at all by week 37

via GIPHY

10. Pregnancy is...

100 % being so goddamn sick of hearing: "Are you sure it's not twins?"

via GIPHY