Being the parent to a spirited, loving and mischievous toddler human is truly fun.
The parents of toddlers can expect lots of gorgeous leg-hugs, snotty kisses, jam-coated hugs and a constant soundtrack of giggles. However, there is the odd drawback to shepherding your toddler human around the world. They can be somewhat unreasonable; they have an insatiable appetite for destruction and they are prone to loud protestations of anything they deem not to their liking which is virtually everything (aka tantrums).
The toddler demands are hard enough without other people also stepping in to further challenge our patience.
So without further ado, here are ten deeply irritating things people need to STOP doing to parents of screaming toddlers:
1. Driving up our ass
Okay, I get that other driver may not know that there's a toddler in the car who is also metaphorically getting up our ass, but come on, the sign says 'baby on board'. We've already got a two-foot tyrant kicking the back of our seat and chanting "No car, no car, NO CAR!" we do not need you trying to mount the boot of our car because we've taken longer than two seconds to react to a green light.
2. Informing us of the toddler's various misdeeds
I KNOW he's pulling out every book in the library but really don't you think if I could do anything about it I would be? He is all-powerful, and I am weak – just let us be.
3. Greeting our arrival to the adjacent table in a restaurant with anything less than ecstatic welcome
Do you even know what it took for us to be here? To just make it out of the house?
4. Greeting our arrival onto your flight with anything less than deepest, warmest empathy
Whatever you're about to experience in terms of toddler-perpetrated auditory assault is nothing compared to what we, the parents of this hell-child will endure on this flight – so a bit of compassion, please.
5. Saying anything that includes the words "yet" or "still."
You know these kinds of statements:
"Are you STILL breastfeeding?"
"Is he not sleeping through the night YET?"
6. Sighing audibly
Even over the toddler screaming, we CAN hear you.
7. Muttering audibly about my shit efforts at parenting
This actually happens, especially people who evidently have completely forgotten how draining and challenging loving our toddlers can sometimes be.
8. Rolling their eyes
Even with my child attempting to head butt me in the face – I CAN see you.
9. Making me hurry across the road
I know this one is going to make me sound spectacularly irrational and easily irritated but I hate being gestured at by drivers to hasten my efforts to wrestle my child across the road. "I didn't even ask you stop for me," I feel like screaming at them. What do they want me to do, lift the child by his arm and swing him across the road? Don't hurry an under-slept person is all I'm saying. They're liable to give you the finger.
10. Making comments beginning with "That child..." insert should, needs, etc. here
"He should really be potty trained/self-soothing/recognising words/doing his own tax returns by now."
How about this: any comment that isn't "What a fabulous child! You're doing a great job." does not need stating?
Have you experienced any of these? Let us know your thoughts in the Facebook comments or join the conversation on Twitter @HerFamilydotie
6. Sighing audibly
Even over the toddler screaming, we CAN hear you.
7. Muttering audibly about my shit efforts at parenting
This actually happens, especially people who evidently have completely forgotten how draining and challenging loving our toddlers can sometimes be.
8. Rolling their eyes
Even with my child attempting to head butt me in the face – I CAN see you.
9. Making me hurry across the road
I know this one is going to make me sound spectacularly irrational and easily irritated but I hate being gestured at by drivers to hasten my efforts to wrestle my child across the road. "I didn't even ask you stop for me," I feel like screaming at them. What do they want me to do, lift the child by his arm and swing him across the road? Don't hurry an under-slept person is all I'm saying. They're liable to give you the finger.
10. Making comments beginning with "That child..." insert should, needs, etc. here
"He should really be potty trained/self-soothing/recognising words/doing his own tax returns by now."
How about this: any comment that isn't "What a fabulous child! You're doing a great job." does not need stating?
Have you experienced any of these? Let us know your thoughts in the Facebook comments or join the conversation on Twitter @HerFamilydotie
