10 Common Enemies Of Parents That We All Know And Dread:
1. Lego
There is no pain like the pain of stepping on Lego, sometimes in the aftermath of a lego-stepping incident, I actually find myself momentarily wondering if amputation would be preferable to the hell-pain of stepping on Lego.
2. Play dough
Why must it smell so SO delicious, the Child won’t stop eating it, and I can hardly blame him who wouldn’t want to tuck into the tasty-smelling play dough?
3. Perfect Parents
You know those ones you ALWAYS without fail run into when you’ve just picked your kid’s nose and are wiping the snot on the sole of your shoe because of course, you don’t have wipes handy.
4. The Neighbour’s Dog
That ONLY barks during naptime or bedtime and is then completely serene at all other times of the day. Rage.
5. Traffic
Okay, traffic is the enemy of humanity in general but sitting in traffic with a peaking toddler tantrum is a special brand of torture.
6. The Ice Cream Van
The season of the ice cream van has mercifully drawn to a close, and the ice cream man’s reign of terror has ceased, every Summer we wonder: why WHHHHHYYYYYYYY does he think 7 pm is the optimum time to jingle his way around the road???? Just when we’re trying to convince them that Greek yoghurt is a legitimate dessert.
7. Paw Patrol
Or whatever your kid’s poison happens to be. The theme song of their favourite show will be the soundtrack to your nightmares for the foreseeable future. I still get an instant eye twitch if In The Night Garden starts up…
8. Surprise Bananas
Pre-kids, bananas didn’t figure so much in our lives, yet somehow after the toddler years hit we are constantly inundated with thoughts of bananas, worries that we’re running low on bananas and messy encounters with bananas. For all the obsessing about bananas, I still stick my hand into my handbag at least twice and week and straight into an open banana. I call this Banana Hand, and it’s gross.
9. Stickiness
Ah, the all-pervading stickiness of parenthood. Human beings have explored the furthest reaches of our solar system and yet can we engineer a non-leaky sippy cup? NO.
10. The Mother-In-Law
No parent has successfully parented a child since the mother-in-law raised her brood, that is just a fact. Whatever you THINK you know or feel about what is the right way to raise your child. Forget it. Better yet just give the child straight to your mother-in-law and she will give them the life they deserve.
