A child psychotherapist has advised one mum on how to introduce her new boyfriend to her child.
It’s a step that many men and women come to in life, if their relationship with the mother or father of their children doesn’t work out.
While it can be a difficult time for everyone involved, child psychotherapist Joanna Fortune says the key is to take your time.
Speaking to Newstalk’s Moncrieff, the mum of a four-year-old said:
“I broke up with my daughter’s dad a year ago.
“I started seeing someone 2 months ago but I’ve yet to introduce him to my four-year-old.
“I’m nervous that the relationship won’t be long term and for that reason I’m afraid an introduction my cause confusion and eventual hurt for my little girl.”
She went on to say that she has no idea “how to navigate this” and would like to know, from a professional point of view, when an appropriate time is to introduce them in person.
“You don’t need to rush the introduction at all”
Jumping in to give her some advice, Ms. Fortune said: “You don’t need to rush the introduction at all – you definitely have time on your hands here,” she said.
“Wait until you do feel this is a long-term relationship, as certain as anyone can be about that.
“Take your time with it – you’re in the first stage of a new relationship, so enjoy that.”
Joanna said that no matter what happens with this man, she will eventually have to introduce her child to a new man at some point in life.
“The best approach is to be honest, prepared and age-appropriate,” she explained.
“It isn’t the same as sharing this information with a friend or family member because the first thing she’s going to be thinking is, ‘How does this affect me?’.
“Be very sensitive to the fact that a four-year-old child may still be holding onto the fantasy that you and her dad may get back together.”
She went on to say that the best way to introduce a new boyfriend to your child is “gradually”.
She advised the worried parent to begin mentioning him before introducing him in person.
“Do something like short activities and little bits of time together and build it gradually as they get to know each other,” she said.
“Don’t have unrealistic expectations on either part.
“You do want to be clear with your daughter who he is and who he is not – ‘He is my boyfriend, he is going to be in our lives, but he is not your new dad, you have a dad’.”
Her final piece of advice was to keep it very clear and simple with her little one.
“I’d practice this – sit a friend down and tell them to be a four-year-old.”
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