Could a ‘sleep divorce’ save your marriage?

More couples are sleeping separately than you probably think

'Til death do us part... or exhaustion. Whichever happens first. When you shack up with a partner, whether you're married or not, chances are the plan is to share a room. But, does it have to be like that? If and when babies come along, very often, couples find themselves rearranging their whole lives, sleeping arrangements included. Kids in the bed and nights off for very a very tired partner sometimes mean separate rooms make more sense. Writer Leah Rumack recently told TodaysParent about her situation, and it's probably not that unique. “My husband, Jason, and I have what we like to call an 'arrangement'. It’s a bit out of the norm, but it’s something that I think a lot of couples secretly yearn for, but are too ashamed to admit. The truth is, we do it. We have separate bedrooms." Explaining how the arrangement came about Rumack says: "I’ve never been a great sleeper. And Jason—there’s no way to say this nicely—is a snorer. An epic snorer, actually. Snorers and insomniacs don’t go well together." It wasn't always like this, as she explains: "During the first heady year or so of our courtship, the combination of adrenalin from a new romance combined with my expert use of sleeping medications and patented head-at-the-other-end-of-the bed-with-my-feet-in-your-face move kept the peace. But once we were married and I was pregnant, all bets were off. The meds were out, and so was Jason. "We bought our house when I was four months up the duff with Ben, and we decorated two bedrooms: one for him, and one for her. We didn’t realize the true extent of our evil genius until Ben was born. We would drag his little bassinet between our rooms, and while usually Mommy was on night duty at first, sometimes it was a Daddy night. As he got older and moved into a crib in his own room, we played hot potato with the baby monitor. And guess what? The other person got to sleep blissfully through it all." Looking back, the pair have no regrets: "Two years later, we’re still living our separate peace. I won’t say I don’t miss the intimacy that comes from sharing a bed with your partner (though the added benefit of being able to sleep in your own room after you’ve had a fight over whose turn it was to do bath time can’t be overstated). And yes, it bothers me when Jason tells me that I’ve been replaced by a pillow. But guess what’s worse for a relationship than not sharing a bed? Being exhausted and grumpy all the time. But what about the elephant in the room? Rumack says, "The Sex? Well, we still visit." Although there are no official Irish stats, one in four American couples say they sleep apart and in the UK, one in two. It's not something many admit, but a common practice that works for couples all over the world.

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