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30th July 2015
06:01pm BST

2. "I'm exhausted."
"NO, no one is allowed to be tired in my vicinity. I have the monopoly on ALL tiredness from now on."
3. "What's for dinner?"
"Toast... And I'm not making it."
4. "You really need to take some time just for you."
*Laughs bitterly*
5. "Sleep when the baby sleeps."
"So what, like in 24 months time?"
6. "Isn't it just heaven?"
"If by 'heaven' you mean full-tilt torture interspersed with delirious happiness when the baby sighs in a cute way or gets a wind up, then yeah, I guess it is heaven."
7. "Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture you know."
"Do you really think you have to tell ME that?"
8. "You should..."
"Four weeks ago, I made a human and I haven't slept more than two consecutive hours since. I never have to "SHOULD" again."
9. "Is he still not sleeping through?"
I'm gonna hand this one over to Cameron...
10. "I ate the last Magnum."
"You are dead to me."Explore more on these topics: