‘The 12 Days Of Heartburn’ (An Ode To Over-eating)

I guess Christmas really started in our house last night, as I had an Indian takeaway, a few glasses of wine, some Toblerone to consolidate the piggery and then.. chronic heartburn at 4am. While I was holding myself at a forty-five degree angle on the couch, waiting for the meds to kick in, I wrote a song about it, goes a little something like this! On the first day of heartburn, my true love gave to me: A beer and a box of Rennies On the second day of heartburn, my true love gave to me... Two mince pies and a beer and a box of Rennies. On the third day of heartburn, my true love gave to me... Three chocolate Santas, two mince pies, a beer and a box of Rennies. On the fourth day of heartburn, my true love gave to me... Four Curly Wurlys, three chocolate Santas, two mince pies, and a beer and a box of Rennies. On the fifth day of heartburn, my true love gave to me... Five wagon wheeels.. .. four Curly Wurlys, three chocolate Santas, two mince pies, and a beer and a box of Rennies. On the sixth day of heartburn, my true love gave to me... Six purple Roses, five Wagon Wheeels.. four Curly Wurlys, three chocolate Santas, two mince pies, and a beer and a box of Rennies. On the seventh day of heartburn, my true love gave to me... Seven Irish whiskeys, six purple Roses, five Wagon Wheeels.. four Curly Wurlys, three chocolate Santas, two mince pies, and a beer and a box of Rennies. On the eighth day of heartburn, my true love gave to me... Eight Caffreys snowballs, seven Irish whiskeys, six purple Roses, five Wagon Wheeels.. four Curly Wurlys, three chocolate Santas, two mince pies, and a beer and a box of Rennies. On the ninth day of heartburn, my true love gave to me... Nine turkey sambos, eight Caffreys snowballs, seven Irish whiskeys, six purple Roses, five Wagon Wheeels.. four Curly Wurlys, three chocolate Santas, two mince pies, and a beer and a box of Rennies. On the tenth day of heartburn, my true love gave to me... Ten Irish fry-ups, nine turkey sambos, eight Caffreys snowballs, seven Irish whiskeys, six purple Roses, five Wagon Wheeels.. four Curly Wurlys, three chocolate Santas, two mince pies, and a beer and a box of Rennies. On the eleventh day of heartburn, my true love gave to me... Eleven packets of Tayto, ten Irish fry-ups, nine turkey sambos, eight Caffreys snowballs, seven Irish whiskeys, six purple Roses, five Wagon Wheeels.. four Curly Wurlys, three chocolate Santas, two mince pies, and a beer and a box of Rennies On the twelveth day of heartburn, my true love gave to me... Twelve Ferrero Rochers, eleven packets of Tayto, ten Irish fry-ups, nine turkey sambos, eight Caffreys snowballs, seven Irish whiskeys, six purple Roses, five Wagon Wheeels.. four Curly Wurlys, three chocolate Santas, two mince pies, and a beer and a box of Rennies. I hope you enjoyed my festive jingle - stay well this Christmas. Cheers!