In France, you need a license to own a goldfish yet virtually anyone can procreate.
Sometimes I suspect that should The Man and I put together an application to own a goldfish we would most likely be rejected. We're barely eligible for a mortgage never mind being entrusted with a tiny, precious, defenceless goldfish or baby for that matter.
Most parents remember that unbelievable moment at the hospital when they let you take your brand new baby home without so much as a by or leave. No written exam, no multiple choice questionnaire. All that's required of you is to present a car seat for transportation purposes. In fairness to him, The Man just about managed this part of the transaction but fell down badly at the final hurdle when he was categorically unable to fit it to the car. Even then apparently no alarm bells were ringing among the hospital staff who patiently fitted the seat for us.
We headed homeward, in stunned silence occasionally turning around to stare at the baby.
"I can't believe they gave us a baby," said The Man.
"I know, they haven't even seen the state of the house."
8 things that prove (after the fact) that The Man and I possibly weren't parent material
1. We discovered (two years in) that we both spelled his name differently. This one seems pretty basic doesn't it? We only have one child and yet we're not even getting his name right.
2. We bath him in the kitchen sink for ease, this one wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that The Man once defiled the actual baby bath with sick after a so-called 'bad pint' incident.
3. Once it took so long to find a picture of The Child in among all the pictures of cakes and shoes on my phone, that I eventually just showed the doting relative a picture of my friend's baby as the wait was getting awkward.
4. That time when the belly button thing came off and I panicked and put it in my pocket. It was during the bathing demonstration at the hospital and loads of people were watching.
5. When we used a nappy placed on his head to shade The Child from the sun in the park.
6. I still suck my thumb.
7. We once used the one and only key to our car to prise open a paint can. It snapped in half.
8. Nobody can remember where the passports are.
Join the conversation on Twitter @HerFamilydotie
