Since I’ve become a mum, the people that are now my closest friends are somewhat different from when I didn’t have kids.
When you are a new parent and dealing with things like exhaustion, baby blues or full-on postnatal depression, not to mention learning how to live a different kind of a life now that you have a baby to care for, you kind of need your friends to be understanding.
You have taken a big leap and change is inevitable. Your priorities shift, you have less expendable time and income than before and far less energy. The adjustment period doesn’t last forever but it certainly is real and needs room to take shape.
I am lucky to have great friends, some from childhood and others from work or college along the way. Since having kids, the ones who stuck with me while I disappeared from contact for weeks or completely forgot things like agreeing to go on a night out, or (worse) showing up, having two drinks and falling over – are my friends for life. Whether they like it or not, I will never ever let them get away because they are steadfast and amazing.
Others didn’t stick around. A part of me doesn’t blame them because my own ability to be a good friend was hindered albeit temporarily. Most of me hates that they gave up on me.
It’s not that my priorities changed so dramatically that I stopped caring about or loving my mates. It’s not that I stopped going out altogether when I had kids. It’s not even (god forbid) that I chose to only hang out with other mothers so I could talk about babies all day long.
For me, it’s that having children caused a crazy shift in my available time in which to do everything. I would still like to do everything I used to do and catch up with everyone all the time, but it isn’t always possible. The weeks where I think I am super-organised and am going to see four people I haven’t visited in six months, are the weeks when one of the kids gets a chest infection and I end up having to cancel.
It may come off as flaky to some, but the reality is that having small kids in the house means that life is otherwise unpredictable. I have totally been guilty in the past of getting annoyed if someone doesn’t make a party or an event that they said they would come to, but I’ve stopped doing that. As of the last couple of years, I just say ‘No probs at ALL, talk soon!’ whether they have kids or not. Coz shit just happens, right?
Of course, if someone is continually bailing on you then maybe it’s possible that they just don’t want to hang out anymore.. or they’re planning you a humongous surprise party and just don’t want to look you in the eye. Right?!
Have your say. Join the conversation on Twitter @HerFamilydotie
