Yes, it’s resolution time. That glorious time of year you convince yourself you’ll become the perfect parent. The reality is, I probably won’t make it past number one, but hey, no harm in dreaming.
You know you can do it (you can, you can *repeat the mantra*). Yes, it’s exactly what I need because the self-imposed mum guilt I already thrust upon myself on a daily basis just isn’t quite enough. Hell, 2015, I’m ready for you. I’ll be high-five-ing myself into 2016, I can feel it. I might even make it into the ‘smug parent club’. You know, the one where you don’t feel like you’ve been dragged through a bush backwards every day; where you never lose your patience; you even go to work wearing clothes with no stains; and you’re an upstanding role model for your little mini-me’s who copy everything you do. This is my year, I can feel it.
1 Stop wasting good coffee (and water) and actually finish the cup I make. And if I really succeed, that might even extend to me not bringing coffee into the bathroom to drink while I attempt to have a shower and get dressed. Drinking coffee hot, is a personal, caffeine-fuelled goal worth achieving, I think.
2 Try not to bribe (as much). Yes, it’s the holy grail of battle-weary parenting weapons. And for those times when the concept of me telling them what to do because, um, I am actually the one in charge, doesn’t quite work out the way you planned, bribery works. It really does. This year, I will do it less so that they don’t expect something good to come from every hard task in their lives. After all, life’s just not like that.
3 Stop telling my daughter sarcastically that “it’s a hard life,” when she says, “it’s not fair.” Because the power of sarcasm is probably not the best life lesson for five-year-old.
4 Quit using my ‘mum voice’. Yes, that shrill of authority works, but dear God, when I just listen to myself sometimes, I sound exactly like the psycho mum I don’t want to be.
5 To try not to act like my children, even though I know we’re not too dissimilar. Sometimes, we all act like psychiatric patients – throwing tantrums one minute, raising our voices, then collapsing into rounds of hugs. It might be time to stop doing that quite so much in front of the little sponges.
6 Start to appreciate the body I have and what it has given me. That includes watching what I say about my body image before my two little girls recognise what negative body image is.
7 Get organised for the working week to limit armageddon-like scenarios every morning: wash hair the night before; get my clothes and their clothes ready; prepare healthy lunches; check weather forecast for rain-appropriate accessories, and somehow try and fit in some me-time and time with my husband after kids go to bed. It’s got to be achievable, right?
8 Expand my five-year-old’s palette. She’s a healthy eater, but defiant when it comes to trying anything new. The cheese must be orange. The pasta plain. Nothing resembling a sauce must touch any food group on her plate or she will combust. This is the year food groups will touch one another on plates.
9 Using the iPad, old iPhones and TV as my virtual babysitters while I get stuff done. Not my proudest parenting moments, but hey, it really works sometimes.
10 Stop eating the kid’s leftovers. How does that last piece of toast or piece of pasta always end up in my mouth (before I even know I’ve put it there). Just eat what is on my plate and practise what I preach to them about eating what’s in front of them.
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