It’s a familiar scenario – Facebook or Instagram flooded with snaps of a birthday, Communion, or other milestone celebration.
The kids are all there, of course, possibly with Granny, Dad, or cousins thrown in for good measure.
But there is no mum. Maybe she’s behind the camera. Or she’s waving away someone else’s offer to take a picture of “the whole family”. She’s making excuses – “and anyway, my hair’s a state today”.
I was reminded recently that as mums, we don’t often put ourselves at the centre of the many photos and videos we proudly take of our children.
Flicking through the Confirmation snaps of a friend’s daughter on Facebook, there was just one single image of Mum.
It was taken at a distance; my friend with her arm around her daugher, who was dressed smartly in her Sixth Class school uniform.
Mum looked gorgeous – as she always does. Her honey-brunette hair had clearly been freshly blow-dried, and she had opted for a bright burnt orange dress, which she she teamed with a designer handbag.
But I also know that – despite never looking anything less than immaculate in my eyes – my friend is self-conscious of her appearance. She says she’s put on 2stone recently, and she hates pictures of herself.
That seemingly includes pictures of herself on her daughter’s Confirmation day.
So she does what many of us do as mums – she slinks off into the background when a phone or camera emerges; she takes the photos but she doesn’t appear in them.
I know myself there are far more images of my husband with our two young children than there are with me. I’m worrying about having no make-up on, or looking fat, or just generally not being ‘ready’ to have a picture taken.
I’m not even overly keen on the first photos of me in Holles Street following their births – me being (understandably) sweaty and swollen having just given birth.
Is it vanity? Well, yes I suppose it is. But it’s also connected to not feeling shit about myself; I don’t necessarily want numerous photographic reminders that I have ongoing bags under my eyes; a few more wrinkles than I did a few years ago, and some grey hairs that weren’t there before.
That and I don’t want to ‘ruin’ an otherwise gorgeous snap of my two babies because you can see my muffin top in all its glory.
I have no doubt that there are plenty of mamas out there who couldn’t give a monkey’s about whether they’re wearing a stained tracksuit or are sporting an outbreak of adult acne along their jawline.
For the rest of us – is the answer to ensure we have freshly-washed hair and a layer of mascara on at all times? Or should we also adopt a healthy ‘f**k-it’ approach to family snaps?
Maybe the message is simpler – let’s stop being so hard on ourselves.
Because by making ourselves invisible we’re also continually erasing our self-confidence and worth. And that’s not a message that any of us wants to share with our children.
So next time a camera emerges, I WILL smile alongside my two small ones; I will loudly sing ‘cheeeeesee’ (even when we haven’t showered in four days).
That and I’m going to start practising my angles in front of the mirror…
