If you have ever used a breast pump, you'll no doubt laugh at this mum's hilarious poem
I loved breastfeeding.
But dear God did I hate the times I had to use a breast pump.
Which was quite a lot on my first baby, especially after a couple of rounds of mastitis and her general unwillingness to latch onto my left boob for some crazy reason.
Anyway, pumping – I don't think you'll find a mum in the world who will insist it was a nice and pleasureable experience. Which is why we think this hilarious poem by New York mum and beauty writer Bo Young Lee describes the joy we all felt once we were done with the dreaded pump so well.
The poem – which was inspired by the well-known bedtime story, Goodnight Moon, refers to all the essential gear and inconvenient side effects of the whole pumping debacle, and was written by Young Lee in anticipation of her son's upcoming first birthday – to mark the end of her breast pumping journey.
Here is the letter, which originally appeared on Medium, in full:
In one of three nursing rooms, there was a table and a chair.
And a mirror that reflected both my breasts bare.
And an outlet for my plug and a milk-stained rug.
And a clock and a lock. Though people still always knocked.
And outside there were a microwave and a fridge.
And some soap and a sink.
And filtered water for me to drink.
Goodbye nursing room.
Goodbye pumping in the nursing room.
Goodbye to the hospital-grade pump in my bedroom.
Goodbye tubing. Goodbye lanolin lubing.
Goodbye fenugreek. Goodbye breasts that leak.
Goodbye milk storage bags. And goodbye microwave steam bags.
Goodbye pump-part sterilization. And goodbye alcohol moderation.
Goodbye milk letdowns. And goodbye milk-deficiency breakdowns.
Goodbye thrush. Goodbye engorged breasts.
And goodbye to the old lactation consultant whispering “breast is best.”
Goodbye plugged ducts. Goodbye nursing wear.
Goodbye to pumping everywhere.