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19th Apr 2024

‘Am I wrong for refusing to name my daughter after my sister?’

Anna Martin

naming newborn

When naming your child, you might want to go for something sentimental

It can be the title of a loved one you lost, a celebrity you admire or anything really.

Usually, the most important part is that you are the one happy with your choice.

So, how would you feel if your mother tried to dictate what name you give your baby? That’s exactly what one man is trying to figure out.

Explaining the situation the woman wrote: “Before I was born my parents had a daughter, my sister. She died when she was 2 while mom was pregnant with me. Ever since the death my mom has been stuck in grief and has been unable to move on in a healthy way.

“My dad bailed when I was a baby. And the relationship with my mom was rough. Growing up I heard all about the sister who died before I was born.

“My mom would have us in extreme mourning on the anniversary, my sister’s birthday and the anniversary of the day she found out she was pregnant. She’d pull me out of school and I couldn’t do anything those days. We didn’t celebrate Christmas because my mom said there was nothing worth celebrating without her.”

He went on to explain that her mother would make her friends uncomfortable by speaking about her child who passed and at one point when the Redditor brought over a girlfriend when he was a teen, played home videos of his sister.

nursery rhymes
Credit: Canva

Things changed when he moved out, he started celebrating Christmas and other holidays which put a strain on his relationship with his mother who questioned how he could be happy without his sister around.

Fast forward to how the poster is married and his wife is expecting a baby, one that his mother has decided needs to be named after his sibling.

Continuing his story he wrote: “My wife and I are expecting a baby girl and a few days ago my mom declared that she couldn’t wait to meet baby Ella.” being my sister’s name.

“I told her we weren’t using the name and mom freaked. She told me I couldn’t possibly have a little girl and not name her after my sister. She told me Ella deserved to be honoured and remembered and how could I do this to her and to my sister and where was the love for my sister? I told her to stop.”

Things only got worse and his mother called him “evil” and a “b*stard” leaving him wondering if was in the wrong for saying no.

Luckily the people of Reddit were quick to reassure him he did the right thing.

“You have not had a normal life because of your mother’s untreated grief. Can you imagine the nightmare if you were to “bring back” your sister?” commented one.

“Your mother’s life stopped the day your sister died. I am surprised your family have humoured and indulged her maudlin behaviour for all these years. Unless your mother agrees to start intensive therapy, you need to keep a healthy distance,” added another.

A third wrote: “I’m very sorry your mom experienced such a horrible loss, but it wasn’t your loss and it shouldn’t have been put on you.”