11 things I've learned that you should NEVER do when sharing a house with your wife
Living with people can be tricky, especially when the person is your significant other.
Meet the 11 major bones of contention that crop up when sharing a living space with your significant other. My advice to other men? Sort these out before walking down the aisle, for the love of God.
1) Not replacing the toilet roll
This writer remains friends with someone who once ripped plaster off a wall when he couldn't find any toilet paper, but what seemed completely acceptable in student accommodation is now punishable by penis-shrivelling lasers of hate from herself. No matter where in the house you keep the spare bog roll, never let it run out.
2) Sticking Twix wrappers down the side of the couch
The person responsible is absolutely never in the room when it's discovered, along with a 10c piece and a Refresher coated in couch dust.
3) Not separating the washing
These things are tough. To this day, who knows if a sky blue t-shirt can go into the same wash as a retro Dutch World Cup jersey?
4) Hanging the jeans on the wrong side of the clothes horse
"What eejit hung the t-shirts closer to the radiator? Sure they'll dry in no time. For feck's sake. My mother was right about you!"
Just wait for it to pass. This too will pass.
5) Not putting the DVDs back into their boxes
There is NO excuse for it, and serves her right when she finds Apocalypse Now in the middle of her Bones or Medium box-sets and there's no sign of the second disc in series three.
6) Not steeping the Weetabix bowl
Cement. It's like f**king cement. This is not news to anyone. Weetabix and porridge need to be taken care of immediately, if not sooner, or you'll find yourself back on Tinder before the last drop of the Fairy Liquid bottle has been squeezed out.
7) Loading the dishwasher the wrong way
"Leave it! I have a system!"
Fair enough so.
8) Leaving clothes on the spare bed
We could put the Superman Y-Fronts back in the drawer and the jeans with the disappearing crotch in the bin, but why do that when we can cover the spare bed in old clothes as a deterrent to anyone staying the night?
9) Leave the hoovering for longer than a week
See also: How long before you change the sheets on the bed?
Rule of thumb: Ten days in the winter. A week in the summer. Does this make us disgusting?
Feck yis anyway. We're happy.
10) Hoovering the toaster
A life tip that came to us courtesy of HerFamily's Sophie White, and a hack we can certainly get behind if we're ever looking to avert World War 3: The Toast Crumbs Debacle.
We draw the line at hoovering the worktop though.
11) Teabags in the sink
Why would...? How could...? This is the ultimate relationship breaker upper. We could never live our lives with someone who leaves soggy bags of leaves floating in a cereal bowl filled with Weetabix muck and lasagne coated forks.
No matter how many pairs of dirty boxer shorts we leave around the place, we have standards.
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