It’s a tough emotion to even contemplate – that you would ‘regret’ being a mum.
The implication to many being that you by default then also ‘regret’ your child.
However, when the New York Times asked its users this week “are you a mother who regrets having a child?” the resulting responses were complex and thought-provoking.
As one woman highlighted on the publication’s Facebook page: “You can love your child to pieces and still feel like you’ve chosen a path that with knowledge gained you’d have avoided.”
Another stated: “Regret? Not exactly. It’s hard to regret the life of a person you love so much. BUT, if I knew then how compromised I am emotionally, I might not have chosen to become a parent.”
She added: “Like lots of people, I was going to get right all the things my parents got wrong. And, I was going to be so fantastic in so many ways! The reality is I have poor emotional coping skills and get frustrated easily. I’m a perfectionist and put that on my son (Often ignoring the 99% of the job done right, and zeroing in on one little flaw – NOT intentionally!).
“And, I have SO MUCH anxiety about how the world will be for him (mostly around population, climate change), that I have literally had panic attacks about it. He didn’t ask to be born into this mayhem! I find myself hoping he doesn’t have children so he won’t experience the existential guilt and fear I have since becoming a parent. I had no idea.”
Others were less tolerant: “To the mothers who have regrets please try to do what’s best for the children and get other close family members to provide the love and care you feel unable to do so,” pleaded one woman.
The New York Times had described in its call-out for submissions: “Motherhood has evolved. Science, progressive social constructs and the shifting landscape of the workplace have brought on a robust set of new challenges and considerations for those becoming parents.”
It added: “Times reporters are looking to hear from women who regret having a child. Perhaps you had a child and realized afterward that you didn’t want to be a parent. Or perhaps you believe you made a fundamental mistake.
“Whatever the case, we’d like to hear your story.”
You can submit your own story here.
