Anyone who has kids will know they have the most amazing selective hearing.
My children can hear a packet of crisp being opened through four walls and the washing machine on the spin cycle, but will miss out on words I am speaking directly to them when I stand two feet away. It’s all sorts of infuriating (and also, in fact, a little admirable. I mean; they bring a whole new level to the “being able to tune out” thing).
But if you actually want to establish some way of getting your kids to listen to you when talk, you should (literally) take a leaf out of this woman’s book.
Hypnotherapist and neuro-linguistic programming practitioner Alicia Eaton claims she can make kids do whatever she wants them to do. The trick? It’s all in your words. (No shouting, bribing or threatening needed, apparently!)
In her recently released book ‘Words that work: How to get kids to do almost anything’, Eaton explains that structuring our sentences differently and using slightly different word choices could make all the difference in terms of getting our kids to obey the first time around.
Sounds too good to be true? Sure give these a try and see:
1. Avoid the word “don’t.”
“Too many of us get in a cycle of negative talk which quickly turns into nagging,” Eaton says. Negative phrases using the words “don’t” or “how many times have I told you” are counter-productive. Instead, use positive language (for example, “let’s clean up the room and put all the toys away.”)
2. Create the illusion of choice.
Having a choice in the matter — even if it isn’t really a choice — can make things far more appealing than a straightforward demand. For example, Eaton suggested, when readying a child for school in the morning, asking “Which shirt do you want to wear today, the blue or the red?” As for picky eaters, asking if they want broccoli or carrots will make them feel more in control (and unaware that they are actually choosing a vegetable to eat!)
3. Use the word “when.”
Eaton explained, “The word ‘when’ is often referred to as the most hypnotic word in the English language. It gently implies that something will be done in the initial instance.” For example, during homework time, suggest “When you finish your homework, you can play a game before bed.” (Not “if” you finish your homework!)
4. Linguistically “link” you and your child together.
The phrase “like you” holds a lot of power when it comes to children. Eaton said, “The ‘like’ pattern is useful for slipping into conversation and can boost your child’s self-esteem and establish rapport.” For example, something along the lines of “I, like you…” or “we both realize” may push your child to follow your viewpoint.
5. Say “thank you” before they do what you ask.
Children naturally want to please people. So thank them before they complete the action. Eaton said, “Once they’ve been thanked, they feel obligated to perform the task.”
6. Use the word “because.”
It may seem counterintuitive to have to explain to your child why you want them to do something — but it may actually be helpful later on. Eaton said, “By explaining why we’re asking for something, our request is more likely to be granted.”
7. Fillers are your friend.
Front-loading your sentences may be just the trick to getting your child’s attention. Phrases like “think about it” and “listen” add weight to a request.
8. Put a positive spin on complaining.
Kids love to complain — (Oh, how we know!) But putting a positive, solution-oriented spin on moaning and groaning could actually get them to stop. For example, if your child is complaining about being too hot, Eaton suggests saying something along the lines of, “What would make you feel better — opening a window or removing your jacket?” Eaton said, “These type of responses result in less moaning, less complaining and are more solution focused.”
9. Ask questions.
Taking your child’s complaints and turning them into a question is a language pattern that puts the problem on a path to a solution. For example, if a child complains that he hates his math teacher this year, you can ask if he is looking forward to having a new math teacher next year.
10. Stop using the word “can’t.”
The word “can’t” shuts out the possibility of achievement. Eaton said, “The idea is to switch focus to talk about what your child can do rather than what they can’t.” If he’s struggling with a math problem and “can’t” do it, say, “You just haven’t found a way to do this particular problem yet.”
How do YOU get your children to listen to you? We’d love to hear you tips and tricks! Send me an e-mail at [email protected]
