Parent and toddler groups are a brilliant way to get out of the house and meet other mums. Or so I am told. I, however, had a very different experience when I braved a few during my maternity leave last year.
I'm sure being a new mum in a new country didn't help matters, and I know most people find the groups brilliant, but here are ten times I found going to a parent and toddler group was a bad idea:
1. When, after spending three hours getting out of the house (and three weeks psyching myself up to go), I couldn't even find the place so ended up just going home. Not that I admitted this to anyone. Until now. Hey, at least I got out of the house...
2. When, the following week, I arrived at the venue to find a room full of elderly women drinking tea, only to be told the parent and toddler group no longer existed because it wasn't popular enough.
3. When I eventually found an existing parent and toddler group but was short of money for the parking metre (by 5 cent), so couldn't park my car to go in.
4. When I foolishly didn't get out of the car because I couldn't figure out where the entrance was, so ended up just going home. Again, not one I told anyone about at the time.
5. When I made the MOTHER of all entrances by tripping over my own buggy, which sent me flying spectacularly through the double doors and into the hall. Awesome.
6. When the mum whom I took a seat next to turned her chair AWAY from me before I could even attempt to strike up a friendly conversation. Ouch.
7. When I came back from changing my daughter to find another mum sitting on my coat and in my seat, leaving me to sit at an empty table.
8. When I was told to put money in a jar I didn't know existed for the tea I hadn't drunk. Any spare change I had was in the parking metre outside, but at least someone actually SPOKE to me.
9. When my then nine-month-old attempted to kneecap a three-year-old with a plastic doll. And the victim coincidentally (or not) turned out to be the child of the woman who moved her chair away from me.
10. When I attempted to sneak out of the group 30 minutes early because I hadn't spoken to one single grown up (apart from the tea lady), but tripped up over the buggy (again) on my way out - ensuring that all eyes were on me.
