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23rd June 2015
11:30am BST

GIFSoup
3. Expectation: We can get ice cream for a treat by the beach.
Reality: You will placate them and medicate yourself with ice creams.
What you need to know: The loss of ice cream through accident or even theft is inevitable, cue tantrum.
4. Expectation: We're anticipating a bit of complaining when the suncream comes out.
Reality: The suncream is an all out battle. A sticky, slippy war and there are no winners.
What you need to know: Every parent attempts the ambush. The little darlings put up such a fight that one could easily become tempted to let them suffer the sunburn. Don't. It'll still be you paying for it later when they're in agony and furious.
5 Expectation: Sun cream will probably be a bit messy.
Reality: Sun cream will increase your child's base level of stickiness EXPONENTIALLY. Everything will become stuck to them as soon as that suncream coupled with the drips from the ice cream comes into play. Sand, grit, leaves, bits of egg sandwich, everything.
What you need to know: The stickiness levels will not be decreasing until a hose down later. Use the stickiness to your advantage, store items – keys, parking ticket, phone – within easy reach stuck on your child's person.
6 Expectation: This sun hat will protect them from the sun's harmful rays.
Reality: As a race we have explored Space and invented the garlic press but can we come up with a sun hat that will stay on a child's head? NO.
What you need to know: An unused nappy doubles as a sunhat when you find yourself caught short. It is also undeniably amusing.
7 Expectation: A trip to the beach will be fun.
Reality: Sand. Gets. Everywhere.
What you need to know: You will never rid yourselves of this sand-plague. This is your life now, an all-pervading grittiness will accompany you every day. Forever.
8 Expectation: The sun is shining, let's sit out in the garden with a nice chilled drink.
Reality: The sun is shining, let's sit out in the garden and watch them transport soil from one location to another for the afternoon.
What you need to know: Where the refills are kept.
9 Expectation: We took every conceivable precaution against sunburn, despite their resistance. Go us.
Reality: They WILL get sunburned. It is a foregone conclusion unfortunately. No matter how fastidious your efforts may have been. Sunburn is insidious, it gets into the most unlikely places, like the gap between their toes or that tiny, infinitesimally small stretch of exposed skin behind their ear usually covered by hair. And they WILL blame you for it.
What you need to know: This too shall pass.
10 Expectation: We will file away these hard-learned lessons for the next bit of 'weather'. We won't be making these rookie mistakes again.
Reality: You will suffer good weather amnesia at some point and make all these mistakes again.
What you need to know: That's kind of the fun of it.

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