10 ways living with my toddler is like living with a wild animal

The Man and I have often remarked on how living with The Child is just like living with a wild animal, without the faeces everywhere of course... oh wait. Obviously, I try to put a positive spin on things: "He's like an adorable little puppy," I say as I attempt to wrest the shoe he is gnawing from him. "More like an adorable Rottweiler," huffs the man, restraining The Child as I hide the shoes and chewed up slippers. At meal times, The Child will demolish whatever is within reach before moving on to our leftovers. If a discarded chicken bone strays too close, he will extract every last scrap of meat with the precision of a hyena (or a cannibal), it's a little unnerving. 10 ways living with my toddler is kinda like living with a wild animal 1. He requires constant grooming, including occasional nose-picking (tell me I'm not the only one who has picked my child's nose???). 2. Morning lie-in attempts look a lot like this... 3. No scrap of food is safe from his insatiable appetite. 4. You're liable to be 'attacked' with cuddles at any moment. Toddler-love can be a tad aggressive, strongly reminiscent of wild animal attacks. 5. They're adorable, but deadly. Don't believe me? Change a toddler nappy lately? My one's a fan of curries... I'll say no more. 6. They're super mischievous... 7. If you ever look too relaxed, they'll be right over. 8. What I imagine 'three under three' feels like... 9. They're playful little scamps, though they don't know their own strength, my one gives a mean head butt that leaves me reeling and him totally unfazed. 10. If in doubt a banana will cure most toddler issues... (or rice cakes... or milk... or what the hell just give him the crisps he wants – whatever it takes) Oh but the cuddles make everything worthwhile...