The Man and I have often remarked on how living with The Child is just like living with a wild animal, without the faeces everywhere of course… oh wait.
Obviously, I try to put a positive spin on things:
“He’s like an adorable little puppy,” I say as I attempt to wrest the shoe he is gnawing from him.
“More like an adorable Rottweiler,” huffs the man, restraining The Child as I hide the shoes and chewed up slippers.
At meal times, The Child will demolish whatever is within reach before moving on to our leftovers. If a discarded chicken bone strays too close, he will extract every last scrap of meat with the precision of a hyena (or a cannibal), it’s a little unnerving.
10 ways living with my toddler is kinda like living with a wild animal
1. He requires constant grooming, including occasional nose-picking (tell me I’m not the only one who has picked my child’s nose???).
2. Morning lie-in attempts look a lot like this…
3. No scrap of food is safe from his insatiable appetite.
4. You’re liable to be ‘attacked’ with cuddles at any moment. Toddler-love can be a tad aggressive, strongly reminiscent of wild animal attacks.
5. They’re adorable, but deadly. Don’t believe me? Change a toddler nappy lately? My one’s a fan of curries… I’ll say no more.
6. They’re super mischievous…
7. If you ever look too relaxed, they’ll be right over.
8. What I imagine ‘three under three’ feels like…
9. They’re playful little scamps, though they don’t know their own strength, my one gives a mean head butt that leaves me reeling and him totally unfazed.
10. If in doubt a banana will cure most toddler issues… (or rice cakes… or milk… or what the hell just give him the crisps he wants – whatever it takes)
Oh but the cuddles make everything worthwhile…
