The Olympics are well underway, and much as the efforts of all these great sportsmen- and women are nothing shorts of inspirational , I can’t help but feel that when it comes to tenacious athletic prowess, sheer willpower and the ability to defy everyone’s expectations over and over again, nobody does this quite like toddlers.
No, these mini-humans have a special way of pushing every limit, reaching for the stars (AKA climbing everything in sight) and generally just show a physical endurance that I would imagine even top athletes would envy them.
So let’s take a moment and celebrate toddlers with five uniquely tailored exercises they are bound to go for gold in:
1. 100-Meter Naked Dash
Having lived through one toddler and being in the throws of another one, this particular exercise is one I am very familiar with, and one I would imagine is an honored tradition in most households with young kids.
Rules: The minute mum or dad remove your nappy, or any other item of clothing you might be wearing, run away as fast as you can. Speed is key, but feel free to take creative routes or start climbing (this exercise can also be combined with exercise #4)
Extra points given if you manage to perform this exercise while wet and slippery from the bath!
2. Synchronized Crying
This one is a more artistic event, and usually takes place at the least convenient time possible, like if mum is in a hurry to leave somewhere, or there are people about to come around for dinner.
Anyone with more than one young child living in their household at any given time will no doubt be familiar with this exercise, and children’s unique instinct to fall into sync with the other child that is crying.
Rules: The minute your sibling starts crying, you start bawling too.
Extra points for reaching very high volumes and high notes.
3. Sofa Gymnastics
The things toddlers can do on a sofa and not get killed never cease to amaze me. And there is no denying that in this exercise, every death-defying stunt requires strength and poise, as well as the right amount of maniacal disregard for one’s own personal safety.
Rules: Use all your toddler skills and lack of knowledge about what can potentially kill you to perform jumps, summersaults, back-flips, hand-stands and any other movement you can think of on a sofa (or other piece of furniture).
Extra points given if these moves are performed while parent is either asleep, watching television, or trying to cook dinner.
4. The Kitchen Counter Climb
This exercise requires strength, speed and agility, as the toddler must not only dodge their parent’s attempt to lift them down, but also scale the counter as quickly as possible.
Rules: Just get to the top, use any props you can find to do so.
Extra points if you can make you parents panic with some stunt, or break something you find up there.
5. Snot Eating Contest
This one is gross, but none the less an exercise toddlers love to take in.
Rules: Get those snots into you mouth one way or another, either by just using your tongue to stop your nose dripping, or actively get in there and dig those babies out.
Extra points for doing this in public.
No, who has a gold medalist on their (exhausted) hands?!
